Whether you’re swiping through Tinder, or painstakingly putting together the perfect profile for your OKCupid or Match account, you’re bound to come across a sexist guy while online dating. Eventually, you’ll find the right person, but to save you some time, it’s a good idea to be aware of the red flags flying in your face that you may not even know are there.
Here are signs that prove your love interest is sexist:
1 He has requirements
It’s one thing to want to meet someone who has similar interests. E.G., “I’m looking for a girl who wants to Netflix and chill on weeknights and go out to listen to jazz music with on weekends.” But when a guy has particular requirements for you, and they don’t seem especially generous, that’s a sign he’s sexist.
“No girls without a thigh gap” is easy to spot. But there are sneakier ways, often hidden in humor, that are also sexist: “I want a girl who can read more than just a what-Game-of-Thrones-character-am-I quiz on her phone.” Even if you are the kind of girl who spends hours reading great literary times, despite the fact that people reading on their phones is on the rise, beware: it means he thinks most women don’t, which is sexist.
2 He negs you
“Negging” is a term that, ironically, is derived from the sexist term “nagging”—and the idea behind this term is that it’s the male version of it (women can do it too, though, but it’s more common around men because of its popularity among pick-up artists).
The idea of negging is simple: a potential romantic partner, in order to make you slightly insecure, will insult you. Once you’re feeling insecure, it will be easier to manipulate you into wanting to impress them. This can be subtle, too: E.G., “Have you always worn such weird hats? Or only since starting your bohemian lifestyle?”
It seems innocent, but it’s not. Even though 59 percent of people say that online dating is a good way to meet others, in this case--it isn’t. It’s a mean tactic based on the idea that women can be tricked into sex.
3 “You’re not like other girls”
This line, which is more or less the secret message of almost every 90s or 00s rom-com ever made, is designed to make a girl feel special (which makes sense, considering that online dating is now 20 years old). Oftentimes, a guy may honestly use this line without understanding just how problematic it is. He doesn’t understand that it’s based on a sexist belief.
Which is that most girls aren’t the way that you are. Which, logically, means that most women aren’t good enough for this guy—which means that he has a low opinion of most women in general.
4 He doesn’t have your political interests at heart
We’re not talking about right wing or left here, or about religious preferences, either. Wherever a date may stand generally, all of us are full of contradictions—so knowing how your online love interest identifies isn’t necessarily a sign that he’s sexist. After all, 30 percent of married households contain a mismatched bipartisan pair.
But you may want to ask him some questions about how he stands regarding political issues that affect women directly and ask yourself during that time: Does it seem like it’s coming from a place of caring about how these laws and policies affect women? Or is it coming from somewhere else?
5 He brings up the “friend zone”
The “friend zone” is a popular term (also propagated by many rom-coms, especially those from the 80s and 90s) that a guy tends to use for a girl he’s friends with who he thinks he’ll end up with eventually. Because she’s been his friend forever, and he’s been patient, and waiting--and she owes her love to him.
But the “friend zone” is based on the belief that it’s only worth being friends with a woman in order to end up with her romantically. Which isn’t really treating a woman like a human being at all, but instead treating her like a commodity that’s to be earned with patience and loyalty. It’s funny--even though women and men are online dating in almost equal numbers, they certainly aren’t being treated equally.
6 He’s pushy
Being desired is always a good thing, of course, but if a guy is very pushy after your first date—especially if it was short and casual—then it can be a sign that he doesn’t respect women. If he’s acting like you’re indebted to him, for example, implying that buying you a drink means you owe him a second date, then that’s a red flag, too.
After all, it’s your decision whether you want to see him again. If he doesn’t respect that, then it’s probably because he doesn’t respect women. There’s a reason why 44 percent of males dating online said they’d cheated on a partner in the past.
But just because you run into sexism while online dating, it doesn’t mean that you’ll have to give up on the Internet entirely and use business mail forwarding services instead. There are plenty of fish in the sea! Whether he’s a lawyer who works on SSI requirements at Poplar Bluff, an entrepreneur or a rock star--you’ll find the guy who’s right for you.
How was your experience online dating? Any happy fairytale endings?