Original article appeared on MeritalBliss.com.
Whether or not your pal was the one who called off the wedding, going from marrying one's soulmate to not getting hitched at all is not an easy switch to make. Yet everyone around your friend is likely making the transition trickier with prying questions and insensitive statements. Stay on the supportive side by avoiding these questions and comments.
"How much money did you lose in wedding deposits?"
Just like it's not okay to ask someone how much they're spending on their wedding, it's not okay to ask how much the couple had already committed to the event. Finances tend to be no one's business, and at a time like this, why would you broach an already-touchy topic?
"I never liked him anyway."
While that may be true, she obviously liked him enough to want to marry him at one point. Telling her that you disagreed with her decision from the get-go makes her feel worse about saying yes to the proposal, a choice she's already regretting. And what if they get back together down the line -- or called off the wedding but are still in a relationship? You just admitted you hate her man.
"Breaking the engagement is better than getting a divorce."
Can't argue with that -- given that there's likely less legal paperwork to contend with pre-wedding than post, among many other things. Still, mentioning the above minimizes the painful experience she's going through now.
"Did you give back the engagement ring?"
If she wants to talk about that with you, she will. Forcing her to address what was likely a difficult decision -- or at least a difficult experience if she returned the ring -- isn't fair.
"You'll find someone else."
Of course she will. But sharing that doesn't have the reassuring effect you're going for. In fact, it can cause her to doubt that she will fall in love again. That's because the above should go without saying. Offering that sounds like finding someone new isn't a sure thing.
"Did you already buy your dress/book your honeymoon?"
She's not getting married, yet you're asking her about her wedding plans. Do you think that's a subject she wants to get into? If the wedding was set to take place a couple of months from then, it's a safe bet that yes, her dress and honeymoon were bought and paid for. Even if it was many months away, you still shouldn't ask.
Which one of the above is the most insensitive? What else shouldn't you say to someone who just got out of an engagement?