66 Articles That Did Not Blow My Mind

None of the 16 secrets for shopping at Target did the trick. Neither did the latest project from Macklemore (it's a needlepoint with a castle, princesses and horses).

Based on the plethora of mind-blowing articles the Internet dishes out on a daily basis, my mind should have been completely obliterated by now. Yet, even the riveting article revealing the identity of Andy's mom in the movie, Toy Story, left my brain perfectly unharmed.

The all-out assault on our heads strikes from every nook and cranny of the Web, including such unexpected attackers as abcnews.go.com, dailyfinance.com, businessinsider.com, and today.com. While the stories won't blow your mind, the number of sites joining them in a race to spew content regularly, rapidly and without an ounce of craftsmanship or integrity might. Well, it may mildly surprise you.

Yes, there are amazing artists in the world doing unique things, animals often act in wondrous ways and food can be delicious. But they are not mind-blowing. Although I wasn't alive yet, I imagine Neil Armstrong walking on the moon blew some minds. It's still incredible to look up at the night sky and know men have graced the moon's surface. And no gluten-free "pasta" recipe can compare. Ever.

To stay in the spirit of the alarming click-bait epidemic that's horribly masquerading as journalism, here are 66 stories -- actual headlines -- that did not live up to their promise:

1. 16 Secrets For Shopping At Target That Will Blow Your Mind
2. 18 Facts About Walmart That Will Blow Your Mind
3. Macklemore's Latest Masterpiece Will Blow Your Mind
4. THE TRUE IDENTITY OF ANDY'S MOM IN "TOY STORY" WILL BLOW YOUR MIND
5. A Light Quinoa Kitchari Recipe That Will Blow Your Mind.
6. 21 Photos of Celebrities with Their Stunt Doubles. This Will Blow Your Mind, Especially #7.
7. 37 Great Lake Facts that Will Blow Your Mind.
8. If You've Ever Eaten Pizza Before, This Will Blow Your Mind (Maybe Literally).
9. Our Mexican-Food Expert Says: 'The Diversity of Burritos is Mind-Blowing'
10. This Is Mind Blowing! Look What Happens When An Elephant Looks In The Mirror!
11. 10 Lego Projects That Will Blow Your Mind. One of them is Detroit (scaled).
12. What This Artist Does with a Simple Rake Will Blow Your Mind.
13. WHAT A MAN DID WITH THIS TREE TRUNK WILL BLOW YOUR MIND. WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING...IT'S BETTER.
14. 11 Burger Stats That Will Blow Your Mind
15. 'I just love it!' Meet 15 senior athletes who will blow your mind
16. 16 Facts About India That Will Blow Your Mind
17. This Optical Illusion Will Absolutely Blow Your Mind
18. 21 Facts About Dogs That Will Blow Your Mind
19. This "Game of Thrones" Fan Theory Will Blow Your Mind
20. 65 Amazing Facts That Will Blow Your Mind
21. Why the Future of Retail Will Blow Your Mind
22. Straight Rod Passing Through Curved Hole is Mind Blowing
23. These 27 Vegan Pizzas Will Blow Your Mind
24. 7 Mobile Marketing Stats That Will Blow Your Mind
25. These 'Fabergé Fractals' will blow your mind
26. CHICAGO'S BREADLESS PUERTO RICAN SANDWICH WILL BLOW YOUR MIND
27. 18 Facts About Walmart That Will Blow Your Mind
28. The Ohio State marching band's latest shot at Michigan is mind-blowing
29. This Real Life Banjo-Kazooie Music Performance Is Mind Blowing
30. 5 Incredible Gardens That Will Blow Your Mind
31. 58 Facts That Will Blow Your Mind In Only One Sentence
32. Dyed and Groomed Dogs That Will Blow Your Mind
33. These Chocolate Avocado Protein Cupcakes Will Blow Your Mind (They're Healthy Too!)
34. This Dude's Soccer Trick Shots Will Blow Your Mind
35. 10 Content Marketing Statistics That Will Blow Your Mind!
36. 25 Movies That Will Blow Your Mind
37. What this guy did to save a kitten will blow your mind
38. 10 Call of Duty Facts That Will Blow Your Mind!
39. WHAT A MAN DID WITH THIS TREE TRUNK WILL BLOW YOUR MIND. WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING...IT'S BETTER.
40. This Trader Joe's list will blow your mind
41. What This Girl Did With A Box Of Crayons Is Mind-Blowing
42. 23 Photos Taken By An Airline Captain That Will Blow Your Mind!
43. This Amazing Magnetic Levitation Device Will Blow Your Mind
44. This Time-Lapse Iron Man Drawing is Mind Blowing
45. The Way This Artist Carves Eggshells Is Mind-Blowing. I Never Knew Eggs Could Look Like THIS.
46. Whoa ... This Drone Will Blow Your Mind!
47. 'Baffling' Balloon Experiment Will Blow Your Mind and Make You Smarter at the Same Time
48. This Gluten-Free 'Pasta' Recipe Will Blow Your Mind
49. 10 Pictures of Natural Hair Shrinkage that Will Blow Your Mind
50. Desert Car Kings' unbelievable Arizona junkyard will blow your mind
51. 12 Cool Résumés That Will Blow Your Mind
52. 32 Photos Of Alaska Will Blow Your Mind And Make You Insanely Jealous
53. What This Artist Does with a Simple Rake Will Blow Your Mind
54. The Alternate Ending Theory To 'Harry Potter' Will Blow Your Mind
55. 6 Japanese Street Fashions That Will Blow Your Mind
56. "Grilled Grilled Chesse Will Blow Your Mind"
57. Holy Crap, The Girl With All The Gifts Will Blow Your Mind
58. The Strength Required For What You're About To See Is Mind-Blowing.
59. 10 Mystery Movies That Will Blow Your Mind
60. Most Tattooed Man Is Mind Blowing
61. This Guy Is Not Just Another Street Performer, He Is Mind Blowing!
62. Holy Balls, This Titanfall Toy is Mind-Blowing
63. The Business Class Seat of Tomorrow Will Blow Your Mind, and Freak You Out a Bit
64. How To Get A Redecorating Project Which Is Mind-blowing
65. What this genius artist does with coffee cup stains is mind blowing - I want to buy this now!
66. This New Door Will Blow Your Mind

I could go on, but I'll save more for another randomly numbered list of trivial nonsense that will leave your mind perfectly in tact.