For BRIDES, by Elizabeth Mitchell.
Ah, married life. Get ready for everyone you see after the wedding to ask you about it... like, literally everyone. From how different it is being a Mrs. to when exactly you’re going to have a baby (yes, really), here are seven annoying questions or statements you’ll totally get once you’re married.
1. So when are you having kids? Seriously though, why do people always assume that as soon as you get hitched you’re going to start popping out babies stat? Besides the fact that it’s none of their business, it’s such a personal/awkward thing to inquire about.
2. Are you taking his last name? God forbid you aren’t then people will have a ton of follow up questions like, “Well what about when you have kids? Don’t you want them to have the same last name as you?” And if you confirm you are in fact changing your last name and they’ve already been through the process they’ll make sure to let you know what a bitch it is. Um okay, thanks!
3. So how’s married life? Do you feel any different now? Err, no? Should I? This one isn’t as annoying as most, but it’s like the default question everyone has to ask after the wedding so it gets real old, real quick. And for most modern brides and grooms, nothing changes except maybe the last name and the husband/wifey title. Oh, and the fact that you’re stoked not to be planning anymore!
4. Are you thinking about buying a house now that you’re married? It’s like, have you looked at how much houses cost lately!?! Plus, who cares whether you rent or buy? A marriage license doesn’t mean you have to go out and buy a house with a white picket fence stat.
5. Just wondering, do you have a joint account? Or how do you guys split finances? Just because two people are married doesn’t give you any right to inquire about how they handle their finances. It’s also the best when you wind up telling people that you do have a joint account but your own separate accounts too (especially the old fashioned folks) just to see their reaction. Shock! Pure shock. Followed by a crap load more questions. And if you only have a joint account together (nothing separate) your younger more modern peers will surely judge you (and ask more questions).
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6. Oh hello there, Mrs. [insert his last name] The singsong cutesy tone of voice that always comes with this statement just kills us! Then the person expects you to give a sweet little shy smile in response and soak up the fact that you have a brand new last name and must be so, so, so proud of it. In reality, you are, however you kind of miss your last name too and are trying to adjust to being Mrs. [insert his last name]. It’s cool, but you still have your own identity, you know?
7. Just wait until you [fill in the blank] Have kids. Are married for 10 years. Own a house together. Etc. etc. etc. It’s like every married person in the world wants to warn you about the next step as a married couple. And it’s never positive!
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