Earlier this year, I celebrated seven years of living abroad in Germany. The initial plan of coming over, earning my master’s degree, and heading back to California after two years, has long expired.
The following is a list of my top seven lessons learned from my expat experience in Germany:
1. Home really is where the heart is
One of the more confusing moments during this expat experience occurred this past Christmas. I was sitting in the house I grew up in with my parents in California and said, “I can’t believe we have to go back home already tomorrow,” referring to the upcoming return flight to Germany. The interesting part about that situation, is the fact that I was telling all my German friends and colleagues that I would finally be spending Christmas “at home,” when discussing my upcoming flight to California.
I invested “a lot of heart” trying to integrate myself into the German culture. Learning German was the first step. Over the past seven years I have come to realize that “home” does not have to be restricted to a single location or my childhood bedroom. I can now safely claim I feel “at home” here in Germany thanks to my wife, a great network of friends, cool colleagues, and supportive in-laws.
2. Never say never
If someone walked up to me seven and a half years ago and told me I would be moving to Germany, my response would have been, “Yeah right, never going to happen.” Had I been told in advance, that after my master’s degree I would find a job in Germany faster than in the States, I would have formulated some kind of statement that included the word “never.” And what about a messenger coming to my door and telling me I would be visiting 9 different countries within the next 7 years, including South Africa and Greece? My response, “Never. I hate airplanes.”
This expat experience has helped change my mindset from “Never” to “Hey, it could happen.”
3. Perseverance – find a way, or make one
Learning German was not easy. A major turning point in my quest to become fluent was what I refer to as the “presentation disaster,” something I covered in an article I published on the Huffington Post. There have been numerous other occasions over the past seven years when I thought about how much easier everything would be had we not left the States, especially during the first six months of my adventure. Walking into a room full of people and hearing just noise, instead of comprehending what that noise means, can be quite discouraging. Persevering through these moments has, however, led to a very rewarding expat experience.
4. “Don’t be boring”
Some of my favorite stories to tell from my time as an expat involve my wife’s uncle, who I will refer to as “Uncle Germany.” His mantra whenever we visit him in South Germany is “don’t be boring.” Almost exactly 11 years ago today, Uncle Germany stopped his car on the freeway on-ramp, got out and said, “It’s your turn to drive.” The car had a stick shift and I had never successfully driven one before. A couple years after the freeway experience, I found myself jumping into the Rhein river and letting the currents take me across the Swiss border back into Germany. These events were certainly not boring.
Three years ago I complained my way up an extremely steep hill on Thanksgiving. This photo may help shed some light on why I decided to make a commitment to be “less boring” from that point on:
5. The world is not flat
Ok, I already knew that before I moved to Germany, but it is the implication of the statement that I am trying to stress. My world before moving to Germany was the San Francisco Bay Area. It was a fun, warm, sunny and awesome world, but a very small world when looked at from afar.
I had the privilege of learning German with people from over 25 different countries, and during this time, I got to know the breadth and diversity of the world map. Becoming an expat in Germany really triggered my inner adventurer and has helped me gain a deeper understanding of culture and the role it plays in our lives.
6. Be patient (I’m still working on this one)
Lesson number six is still a work in progress. Perhaps you can understand the delay in improvement after reading this:
Imagine you are standing in line at the grocery store. It is a long line: there are ten people in front of you and ten behind you, all waiting to pay for their groceries. Out of nowhere, a second cash register is opened. Instead of the cashier taking the first person in line over and rearranging in an orderly fashion, he or she simply turns on the light, grabs a bag of popcorn and watches the chaos that ensues.
I have had my foot run over with a grocery cart, an elbow jammed into my side and an elderly man call me names, as everyone jockeys for position at the newly opened register. I don’t get it. It is moments like these, moments when things are just done differently than what I am used to, that have encouraged me to work on my patience (and the use of my elbows).
7. Culture shock should not be underestimated
Culture shock is not something to take lightly. It can lead to physical symptoms such as fatigue, increased illness, body aches and pains, and so on. Further symptoms of culture shock include homesickness and loneliness. Thanks to the plethora of resources available online, it is possible to research the destination culture, and prepare yourself mentally for what is to come. It is important to enter the new culture with an open mind and not idealize your own culture. Chances are, as connected as this world is in this digital age, you will find a person you can discuss your upcoming move with. I was by no means the first or last U.S. citizen to move to Germany. My mistake was that I underestimated the power of culture shock and did not utilize the resources available to me that could have made the move more comfortable.
Closing words
Do I miss my family and my first home? Yes. If I could go back in time and make the decision about becoming an expat again, would it be different than seven years ago? No. Based on the seven lessons I learned (there have been many more, but seven made for a catchy title), I think the decision to become an expat in Germany was a great one. If you are considering a move abroad, feel free to reach out for more tips. It can truly end up being a very rewarding experience.