I have spent time dating during the first year post-divorce. I had seriously considered the possibility of a partner, or at least I thought I did.
I have yet to find a man, however, I have found 7 brutally honest reasons why I'm too much of a hot mess to be in a relationship in spite of thinking I was ready for a new partner.
1. I do not believe a word men say.
I have recently acknowledged the fact that I have been dating with the lens of a cynic. I do not believe 95% of the content that any man tells me. My mind automatically contradicts him or insists that he isn't being completely truthful.
God himself could appear before me with my amazing "Mr. Right" on a silver platter and I would be lifting God's cloak looking for the hidden harness and suspension wire.
I am too much of a hot mess.
2. I miss my cat.
On my nights sans kiddos I would willingly get dressed and ready, hair done, lips on, and head out to meet a man after a long day of work. I immediately began to miss my kitty Piper, my quiet house, and my queen-sized comfy bed.
I suppose that I appreciate my solitude a bit too much to be in a relationship. I like my comfort zones and a man does not fit into them right now. I want to enjoy my aloneness.
Season 1 of "Friends" on Netflix again, Pipes? Let's cuddle.
3. Schedules suck.
Dating post-divorce now requires the review of three or more personal schedules. Here's why...
If one is a divorced mama who shares custody of the children, the parenting schedule is formed between mom and dad for the sake of the children. Throw in a third party, a suitor. Well is he divorced? Does he share custody of his children with his ex?
Now we ultimately have four schedules to work around. FML.
Kiddos. Work. Cat. New House. Oil change. Laundry. I am exhausted. Now I have to make time for a dude, a man who mistakes "your" for "you're"?
I quit. This hot mess is staying home.
4. I much prefer to block him than work out an issue.
Relationships require compromise, communication, give and take. I know this. I don't care.
The act of bailing on a man or permanently blocking him from contacting me is just so much easier than actually working out an issue.
Oh, we disagree? Say hello to silence because now when you text me, you will not be getting an answer.
Don't hold your breath, either. I am Irish and stubborn as hell. I am taking a sabbatical.
"Toodles, sir. From, the Hot Mess."
5. I must clean out the lint filter every time I use the dryer and I don't want to.
Not kidding. One more thing I have to do and I am already on overload.
Can you do me a favor and tell my offspring to stop climbing up my leg every 5 seconds?
At this point in my life, the poor guy would be my punching bag and that's not fair.
I am too much of a hot mess to share my time with a partner right now.
6. My living room furniture is on layaway.
I purchased a new house one month ago, a huge feat in itself as a single, divorced, working mama of three kids.
I learned last week where the water shut off is located and of course, I can't reach it unless I am in platform heels. I recently discovered that I must change the furnace filter twice a year. My dining room table, chairs, couch, and chaise lounge are still on layaway.
I am doing my best.
So you would like to stop over and have a cup of coffee? Mm, can't. Nowhere to sit.
You probably just want sex anyway. Refer to #1.
7. I pretend to have it all together, but I don't.
Until I get honest with myself, any relationship that I attempt will not be based on truth.
I am terrified of heartbreak. I am constantly waiting and preparing myself for the next dating disappointment. I am fearful of choosing a man like my ex. I am certain that no man will ever care enough to make me a priority in his life. I am tired of dating.
I finally realized that I will continue to attract men all wrong for me unless I repair the heart of the lady in the mirror.
Dating has highlighted the areas of my life that I must work on and heal before I am ready to commit to a healthy relationship. Dating has been an important learning process for me, but I am not ready for a relationship. I have decided to put a pause on the dating game for now.
The truth is, I have not given up on the idea of love and partnership. I am not embarrassed by my mess. I do hope to share a relationship with a kind and loving man one day.
As I identify my weaknesses and continue to heal, eventually the "mess" will fade away. Then I will just be "hot".
Until then, hot mess it is!