For Glamour, by Jillian Kramer.
You need a work wife. She’s there to send you a funny cat video when you bomb a presentation — and ready to back you up with a killer excuse when you’re late for a meeting. She’s also your confidante and friend, and maybe even a career mentor of sorts.
“Work [wife relationships] can be fulfilling, supportive, and full of understanding,” says Karen Elizaga, executive coach and author of Find Your Sweet Spot. “Who better to understand your daily workplace trials than someone who lives and breathes the very same environment?”
But even this awesome relationship can come with pitfalls. “Given the close relationship, daily proximity, and what’s at stake in the workplace, there are bound to be hiccups,” Elizaga concedes. “At work you could be working alongside, or competing with, each other. Someone might drop the ball, or the other might get a promotion.”
And that’s just what you might encounter with one another. Work wives are often seen by others in the company as cliques, warns millennial career expert Jill Jacinto. “You might think your twosome is inclusive, but what your coworkers might see are two mean girls who exclude themselves,” she says.
But, as we said, you’ve got to have a work wife — just follow a few ground rules. Put these in place, and you’ll take your work relationships to another level.
1. Keep it offline. Sometimes office gossip can’t wait for your next coffee break. But think twice before you send an email to your work wife’s work email address — most especially if you’re sending it in a chain of emails that could, in the future, have other eyeballs on it. One example: You’ve been going back and forth about a project, so you sneak your juicy tidbit into a P.S. at the bottom of your latest update. “You never know who is reading your emails,” Jacinto warns, “and this happens more than you think.”
2. Be honest with each other. Just like you’d build a foundation of transparency and trust in a real marriage, “you want to know that you and your work [wife] have something solid to fall back on,” says Elizaga. That means when she’s fallen short at work, you’re not afraid to call her out. “And by the same token, give authentic praise and support,” Elizaga says. The point is, set a standard of always being honest.
3. Don’t gossip in the office. If you take your coffee breaks with your work wife at a faraway Starbucks, dive on in to anything you have to dish. But if you’re sipping coffee in the corner of your office, keep mum when it comes to gossip. “Gossip can kill careers,” warns Jacinto. “If you need to vent about work, do it far away from the office or any popular company hangouts — including the coffee place down the block.”
4. Keep it light. Let’s be honest: It’s very easy to only gab about what’s going wrong in the office. “But if you both keep your focus on things for which you both can be grateful, your relationship can be quite uplifting,” says Elizaga. So make a pact that you’ll be heavy on gratitude, inspiration, and support and light on the trash talk.
5. Take a break to talk. Your work wife is always there for you on Slack, iMessage, and every other digital platform you have at your fingertips. But your all-day-long chat-fests on your phone or computer aren’t as sly as you think. “Think people don’t notice that you two are texting one another during a meeting? Or creating Snapchat stories at the office?” asks Jacinto. “Think again. Sure, you are friends, but you need to act professionally. So scale back your communication during the day.”
6. Give each other space. You’ll get tired of your work wife the same way you get tired of your real spouse — trust us. So give each other the space you’ll need to truly appreciate the time you do spend together. “You don’t have to have every meal together or grab coffee for one another every time you’re out,” says Elizaga. “You create too many expectations that way, and you also curb the amount of time that you can use to cultivate other important relationships at work.”
7. Expand your inner work circle. Your career will benefit from a wider work network than your one-on-one relationship with your work wife, Jacinto says. So spread your office wings beyond your inner work circle and make other friends. “Grab coffee with Vicki from marketing, your boss, or the new girl in creative,” says Jacinto. “The more people you’re close with, the more opportunities you’ll uncover.”
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