We all know that internet safety is important for our kids. These 7 simple things can really help!
I’m a mom of four boys, and just like you, I’m always trying to figure out what I’m doing, and always feeling like I could do better. It's never easy -- the balance between where to pull kids in and where to set boundaries and where to mind our own business. I'm right there with you, scratching my head and praying and hoping I am doing it right.
But if there is one area that I really want to get right, one area that I honestly want all of us to get a little shaken up over, it is what our kids are doing online.
It’s a fact: We are raising our kids in a world unlike anything we knew growing up. Technology is changing at lightning speed, and it is so important that we have some kind of a game plan for how we are going to deal with it. As overwhelming as it can be, this is NOT the time to stick our heads in the sand.
There are of course many reasons to be aware and even strategic when it comes to kids, the internet and social media. Cyber-bullying is an issue, as is the concern for your kids' information or photos being passed around online. That is scary stuff. Kids need to protect their reputation for the sake of future jobs and relationships, and the list goes on.
More than anything else though, I want to protect my boys from pornography. The statistics (
So it's true: I want my boys to have a holy fear of pornography. I put it right up there with smoking crack and joining a terrorist group. Boys: Don't. Even.
Whether you’re concerned about pornography, online weirdos, or anything else, the good news is there are things you can do to make the internet safer. (nothing is 100% safe.)
I think we've come up with an approach that is both cautious, and realistic.
1 Filter everything
If you are raising kids, I believe that filters on all devices is a must. They prevent so many potential dangers, I can't think of any good reason not to have them. We use Covenant Eyes, and we are completely happy with it! They have great technical support and a simple, easy-to-understand setup and communication.
Some people think filters are difficult to install or they will block every thing you try to do, and that just isn't true. The only thing our filter has ever blocked has been sites that are actually dangerous or have the potential to be. We have Covenant Eyes set up on all of our devices and we get a monthly report showing us all of the sites they have visited (or even typed in the search bar) so yes, a filter is step one in my book.
2. Teach your kids about pornography and what to do when they see it.
Begin the conversations with your kids before they stumble upon it on their own. I most highly recommend using this book to do it: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids
The book is written to read with your kids, but the information is good for all ages (I learned a lot reading it.) Bottom line: Your kids WILL be exposed to pornographic materials, whether they are looking for it or not. Good Pictures Bad Pictures gives them a plan for what to do when they see it. Maybe most importantly: The book opens up a conversation with kids that is otherwise...really pretty awkward.
3. Use a cell phone contract.
IF your kids have a smart phone, (or an iPod), I suggest you start with a cell phone contract. This is a simple agreement between parents and kids agreeing to how the phone will (and will not) be used. It's brilliant! Click here to get your hands on a really good contract that you can download and print. (I just found it and I'm doing it now.)
4. Talk to your kids about social media.
Your next step is to just talk to your kids. "What social media apps do you want to use?" "What do your friends use?" "Why do you want them/how do you plan to use them?" etc. Of course it's best to do this in a friendly and non-confrontational way, not like you're grilling them or challenging them. Just be open and interested in what interests them. If they're already using social media, ask them to show you. Do your best to not turn this into a fight. I recommend asking your kids for the one (or two?) most important apps they would choose if they could only use one or two. Let them know that you want to continue the conversation in a few days. Then hug your kid and move on.
5. Do your research.
Once you know which apps your kids like/want, then do your research. Look it up and read the good the bad and the ugly about that social media app. Ask some friends about their experience. Talk to your spouse. Pray and make some decisions. (My Instagram post will come soon.)
6. Set Boundaries
Now you come back together with your kid(s) to finish the conversation. You've heard them out. You've done your research. Now you get to be the parent. Once again, focus on being loving and positive in your communication. If you do not feel good about your kid (and you know your kids best) using a social media app, then it is your right (and your responsibility) to tell them not to use it. This will be harder of course if they have already been using it, but you'll all get through this. Own up to your lack of knowledge and let them know that your love for them compels you. If you can find a creative way to make things work, do it. (Don't just say no for the power trip.) Keep the communication open.
7. Check in. Readjust as needed.
If you have a filter, then read the reports and keep the conversation going. Let your kids know you're proud of them for making good and responsible choices on the internet. Check their phone activity and talk through things as they come up. My rule is that if kids bring something to me, they will never get in trouble. Be your kid's biggest cheerleader. These are tough days to be a teen, and it helps to try to imagine how you would have dealt with all of this stuff if you had it back then. (I would have been a disaster!!)
So friends...hope this list is a good starting place, if nothing els.
I wish you all the best as you love deeply, and parent well. It's a huge job, but you'll never regret a moment invested in your kids.
Aloha,
Monica
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