1. They DON'T hang their future on bad days
If things aren't going their way, they don't throw their hands up in the air and decide that from here on out - nothing is EVER going to go their way again. Dramaaaaa! Instead, they chalk it up to a rut or an isolated event of crappiness. They know that things will turn around as soon as they can adjust their sour attitude. In fact, emotionally resilient people bank on it. They believe that over the course of their life, the net result will be positive. So whatever with these down slopes - it'll pass.
2. They DO have an internal locus of control
A locus of control is the amount of perceived control we have over our circumstances. If your locus of control is internal, that means you believe you have the power to influence your environment - for the good or the bad. If you have an external locus of control, that means you believe your environment has more control over your circumstances than you do. There are positives to either one, but generally having an internal locus of control is better for our emotional health and career success.
Humans have a need to feel some control over their lives. We need to have reassurance that our efforts will pay off in the end. Emotionally resilient people take responsibility for their actions (I failed a test because I didn't study hard - not because the teacher graded unfairly), as well as take credit when things go their way (He loves me because I am a good person - not because he was lonely and needed companionship).
Emotionally resilient people take responsibility and run with it. No distractions, no scapegoats, and no skirting the issue. These girls know that the only way they can ever improve is by looking their successes and failures straight in the eye and asking for more.
3. They DON'T ruminate, and instead choose to forgive
Considering emotionally resilient people have an internal locus of control, that could lead to some pretty damaging effects when things go south. If they believe they are in control of their destiny, then doesn't that mean that they created a situation that lead them to be fired? Or dumped? Or downright unhappy?
Hmm. That sucks.
So...they really have to take all the responsibility themselves?
Well. Kinda. But most emotionally resilient people are also rational - so they at least recognize that other factors could have been at play. The company was downsizing...so, although yes, they could have been a bit more indispensable, there really wasn't anything they could do. And sure, maybe they got dumped because of their short temper, but also because there was little compatibility to begin with. They definitely have a pinch of the self-serving bias going on, but not enough to really affect their self-awareness.
Point is, emotionally resilient people can see the big picture while also acknowledging what they contributed to their poor situation. They take responsibility, they forgive themselves, and they move on. They don't sit and ruminate over any poor decisions they made or punish themselves for not trying harder. They're fully aware that beating themselves up is essentially a one way ticket to Emotional Hell, Population 1. So, instead, they shake it off, laugh at themselves for a bit, and try something new.
4. They DO have positive self-talk
Ever sit and listen to that constant inner monologue you got goin' on in there? Is it saying anything nice? Or is it a never ending loop of profanities and cuss words aimed directly at whatever it is you're doing at the moment?
Emotionally resilient people have a positive string of affirmations, encouragement, and motivation playing in their head all day long. Sure, the occasional "This sucks" or "Shoulda tried harder" pops up here and there, but overall their self-talk is genuinely positive. They also don't concentrate on others' thoughts about them - too complicated. They focus solely on their own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and try to make them as happy and positive as possible. They figure, there's enough negative language out there coming at them all day everyday, might as well pick up the positive slack for themselves, right?
5. They DON'T surround themselves with negative people
Hell to the no.
Emotionally resilient people take one look at a negative person and say, "No thanks, but have a nice day." They have worked so hard to build up self-esteem, self-reliance, a positive outlook, and flexibility. Why on earth would they want to risk that by letting a negative person come in and stomp all over that? Big mistake. Huge.
So instead, emotionally resilient people surround themselves with people they wish to emulate. People who really bring something positive to the table. People who aren't intimidated by their accomplishments or positive disposition. Being emotionally resilient isn't just something that happens over night - it takes work. And once people reach that level, they have to continue working at it. So risking all their hard work over a 'Bye Felicia' kind of person simply isn't a question.
6. They DO take the time to celebrate themselves and others
Emotionally resilient people celebrate themselves, and celebrate the lives of those around them. They aren't intimidated if a friend or family member happens to crush it at work. They aren't jealous when their best friend walks down the aisle before they do. And they certainly don't act like a turd in a punch bowl when a friendly coworker is promoted before they are. No way. Emotionally resilient people like to enjoy life as much as possible - and if that means celebrating someone else over themselves - so be it! Celebrating is celebrating, and others deserve just as much recognition as they do.
However, they also make sure to really reward themselves for a job well done. Considering emotionally resilient people tend to take responsibility for their faults, they sure throw one hell of a confidence boost party when things go their way. Sure, being modest is their typical attitude, but sometimes you gotta play like Donna and TREAT YO SELF.
7. They DON'T assume everything is about them
Emotionally resilient people realize that most of the time, it's just not all about them. If someone strolls by and aggressively shoots a stink-eye in their general vicinity, they don't jump to conclusions and assume they're the reason behind it. Instead, they wonder if that person accidentally put salt instead of sugar in their coffee, leaving them in a salty mood (get it?) Or maybe that person's face is just shaped that way, like that girl from Juno.
Either way, emotionally resilient people don't go into a paranoid frenzy convincing themselves that their world is falling to pieces because this ONE person didn't bend over backwards to be polite. It's just too exhausting. Instead, emotionally resilient people live and let live. They realize that other people have their own lives full of stressors and inconvenient happenings - so they let a few weird looks or awkward comments slide. Plus, they really don't have time to freak out about what everyone else thinks of them - they have a world to conquer, you know?
Want to be emotionally resilient?
Then you are already one step closer. Emotional resiliency takes practice, dedication, and commitment, but it is absolutely possible to achieve! If you need some extra support, come say hi to me. Me and my team of amazing female coaches provide online life coaching to women just like you - and we would love for you to hang with us! If you want more free resources - come check out the original article here and some other free articles here. As always, love ya like x-o.
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