By Amy Levin-Epstein for TheKnot.com
We're assuming you want to be on speaking terms when you meet at the end of the aisle. If that's true, never, ever utter the following phrases to your about-to-be-spouse.
1. "I don't care about the flowers (or cake, music or food...)"
The fact is, some people are just more interested in certain parts of planning a wedding than others, whether it be choosing flowers, tasting the menu and cake, putting together a music playlist for the band or DJ, buying or making favors, or narrowing down the guest list (who are we kidding, everyone seriously hates that last one!). But instead of effectively saying, "This is your problem not mine, so why don't you just deal with it yourself," explain to your soon-to-be-spouse that you'd love to choose something else off the to-do list and you trust them to handle the reception centerpieces and bouquets. Then, offer your opinion when asked, even though it's "their" task.
2. "Don't you think it would be better if we just eloped instead?"
Everyone says this at least once or twice during planning, but you don't really mean it. You're probably uttering this in frustration, so explain that to your significant other -- chances are they aren't exactly feeling super-relaxed about the whole situation either. Then plan a date night where you don't talk about the wedding in order to remember how you got to this (amazing) place: You love each other!
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3. "My mom says you have to serve cake at a wedding."
If you want to serve cake, go ahead and make your case. But suggesting something that sounds like an ultimatum based on nothing more than someone outside the inner circle's opinion (the inner circle being you two) should be avoided. If your parents are contributing, that means they have a say -- but not absolute veto power.
4. "I have to invite every single person from my office and book club."
This is just crazy talk. You can't commandeer the guest list any more than your partner can -- it's a compromise. So instead, decide how many people you want to invite (possibly dictated by venue space and definitely impacted by budget) and then divide it fairly among everyone who is contributing to the cost (for instance, if your parents are helping, they should get a share of the invites). If you have to prioritize inviting key people from your office (or a sports team or other group), do what you have to do -- but don't expect your soon-to-be spouse to just invite their immediate family because you have an itchy invite finger.
5. "Your mom called me again. Can you please call her back?"
Families are all crazy -- it's a legitimate fact. And that natural craziness is exponentially exacerbated by planning a wedding. So if your future mother-in-law has your number on speed dial during this time, rest assured it's a temporary situation. But call her back yourself -- you're almost family now.
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6. "Can we sell your car or open a new credit card to pay for the wedding?"
Stop the insanity! At best, your future partner will look at you like you've temporarily lost your mind (which you may have -- planning can do that to a person). At worst, they'll say "yes" and then you've just gotten permission to spend more on your wedding than you can afford. There are so many great ways to save on every aspect of your wedding that you should never put your credit on the line (literally) for one (amazing, important, memorable) day.
7. "Can you please lose 20 pounds before we walk down the aisle?"
In short, this is so not okay to say. The fact that you're having a wedding is clearly not a surprise to the person you're about to marry. And they definitely understand there will be a lot of people there, including a photographer, and that all eyes will be on the two of you. This rude request will only lead to hurt feelings.
If you want to make healthy eating and exercise a part of your pre-wedding regime, that's great -- your soon-to-be-spouse will probably join in. But if you try to force them to shed serious weight, things will be anything but picture-perfect by your wedding day.