7 Things That We Wish Were April Fool's Jokes But Are All Too Real

Everyone loves a good prank. You tell someone a fake story, they fall for it, you reveal the truth. Haha! Well, everyone but John Oliver and the government of China.

Still, we just feel like today will be the day someone jumps out and yells "April Fools! Biff from Back to the Future II isn't really running for president! And a madman isn't actually in charge of a nuclear-armed country." Right? Right?

But seriously, here are a few real things that -- surprisingly -- aren't actually April Fools' jokes. Though we wish they were.

1. The world's coral is getting bleached to death

Remember Finding Nemo? Bet you wanted to visit some of those beautiful coral reefs, right?


Well, you better hurry up and make that trip, because he world's coral reefs are getting bleached to death.

Yes, in the northern section of the Great Barrier Reefs, a whopping 95% of the corals are dying due to warmer waters, pollution, and invasive species. Most of the bleaching took place only in the last few weeks.

"Bleached" corals turn white as they expel the algae living in their tissues due to stress. Though these corals aren't dead, they will die if the algae doesn't return.

Of course, these stressed corals affect other species living in the reef, including 1,500 types of fish as well as sea turtles, dolphins, and other animals.

So, Nemo? Soon nobody will be able to find him.

2. Americans think birds predict election results

Recently a bird landed on Bernie Sanders' podium during a rally in Portland, Oregon.

Sanders smiled and said,

I think there may be some symbolism here. I know it doesn't look like it, but that bird is really a dove asking us for world peace.

People now believe this. Like, they believe the bird is an actual sign from above.

This isn't the first time Americans have picked up on avian clues about the presidential race. When an eagle named Uncle Sam attacked Donald Trump during a photo shoot, Trump haters cheered the bird's political preferences.


Does this mean birds will finally demand voting rights? Stay tuned.

3. Waterworld accurately predicted our future

#Dead (Giphy)

Things don't look good for humanity, especially for those of us who live in coastal cities. The journal Nature just issued a report that says this:

"Antarctica has the potential to contribute more than a meter of sea-level rise by 2100 and more than 15 meters by 2500, if emissions continue unabated."

In other words, get ready for seas to rise about six feet in the next 80 years, largely because of melting ice. And don't buy any sea-front property.

Or a home in a city that will become flooded, like New York, New Orleans, Miami, Baltimore, Houston, Boston...

4. A leading presidential candidate encourages brawls at his own rallies

Donald Trump. (Gage Skidmore)

America considers itself to be pretty civilized and reasonable. Which makes it all the more shocking that leading Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has been inciting violence at his own rallies. Not only that, but he's also promised to pay legal fees for anyone who dares to "knock the hell" out of disruptors.

Trump's statements aren't falling on deaf ears. There have been multiple incidents of Trump supporters attacking protesters at rallies. Like that time Trump supporter Tony Pettway punched and stomped on protester Bryan Sanders at a rally in Tucson. Incidents like this are growing worse and more frequent.

Trump has also threatened "riots" if he doesn't get the nomination. Yikes.

5. A mysterious disease shrinks babies' heads

A boy comforts a baby with microcephaly. (tamilgoose/Flickr)

An entire country has told their women not to get pregnant for "the moment."

Why? Because the Zika virus has been officially linked to birth defects like microcephaly, which causes babies to be born with abnormally small heads, which is associated with serious and uncurable delays and retardation. What happens is, a pregnant woman gets Zika from a mosquito bite (or, sometimes, sex with a partner who has Zika) and passes the virus to her fetus, causing the deformity.

The disease has spread throughout South America and even into the US.

6. Human rights in North Carolina got pushed back 50 years

A cartoon from the Star Tribune. (Latin American Herald Tribune/Flickr)

How long does it take to strip LGBTQ people of their rights? One day, apparently.

Yes, in one day, the governor and legislature of North Carolina revealed and passed a law stopping cities from passing laws protecting LGBTQ citizens as well as forcing transgender men into women's bathrooms and transgender women to into men's bathrooms.

Mississippi is now considering a similar law that will openly allow companies to discriminate against LGBTQ people.

And the state is suffering for it. Numerous companies are reconsidering putting offices and factories in the state and some filmmakers are saying they won't bring their business to NC.

Stay tuned: a lawsuit has already been filed against the state, saying the law violates the constitutional right to equal protection.

7. Terrorism

All terrorism. Just, make it stop.

This article was written by Alison Maney and originally appeared on Kicker. Kicker explains the most important, compelling things going on in the world and empowers you to get in the know, make up your own mind, and take action. For more, check out the Kicker site, like their Facebook page, or subscribe to their email newsletter.