Ever a party where you don't know many people and just wanted to head for the nearest exit? I've been there (hey, were you at the same party)??!
Today's video is about overcoming this feeling of being nervous around other people and being able to rock who you are no matter who you're around. Feeling intimidated is very, very common. But it's something that you can reduce and overcome!
In life, other people can often make us nervous. This covers the spectrum from higher ups at work, love interests, people we don't know at parties, even popular people from school or the office. It is natural to feel intimidated sometimes. Often people we look up to (or those who we just don't know who seem cool) can bring up feelings we harbour about ourselves that we are not good enough, smart enough or interesting enough.
Here are some things to remember when feelings of inferiority rear their ugly head in your life:
1. It's you, not him or her.
The fear of others is generated within us, not by the person in question. Realizing this helps us release it.
2. We all have faults, fears and insecurities.
Jordan Belfort, the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, said in his memoir, "I'm insecure and humble, and I embarrass easily... But I refuse to show it. If I had to choose between embarrassment and death, I'd choose death. So, yeah, I'm a weak, imperfect person." Even wolves get scared!
3. People are just people.
I really found this to be true on three particular, separate occasions. Two were in New York City. One was when I met Kelsey Grammar. As a fan, something took over me and I introduced myself to him with little more than a smile, my name and some words of appreciation for his work. He was such a gentleman! Kelsey stood up, asked me about myself, introduced me to his wife and thanked me sincerely from stopping by. His wife was nice, too.
The other was at a party where I met Rachael Ray. Similarly, I introduced myself and asked a bit about her and her work. She was very warm and chatty and shared her story with me as to how she got started in the culinary business. It was fascinating and very natural. Most people -- including famous people -- are cool!
The third occasion was when I volunteered my number to a cute stranger at a concert in Sydney in 2007. He is now my husband!
4. Remember that other people are nervous, too.
You might be intimidating. Ever thought of that? Shyness is misunderstood as aloofness all the time. A friend of a friend of mine who appears standoffish confided in me one night at drinks he is shy and loves it when people interact with him first. When I shared that he does come across as a little aloof he was surprised as it's the opposite of his intention. Sometimes, if you make the first social move and say hello, you might be eradicating two people's nerves.
5. You are giving power to your ego when you worry/overthink.
Intimidation/nerves is your lower-self at work in your mind. Or as Arianna Huffington calls it, the "obnoxious roommate in your head... give them an eviction notice!"
6. Ask yourself ... What is the worst that can happen?
Someone might blow you off. So what? 'So what' is one of the greatest things you can ask yourself in this world. In my decade long sales career I went to countless pitches and networking events and I have been blown off more times than I can recall. Hundreds of times in fact. As far as I am aware, I am still alive and well (and certainly more successful as a result of still going for it anyway).
7. Ask yourself ... What is the best that can happen?
Ah, my favourite question! The possibilities are endless. You might make a new friend, a new career connection or even get a date! The opportunities are abundant when you stop allowing fear to get the better of you.
Nothing made the need for this article more clear to me than when someone told me that before she met me, she thought I was intimidating. Wait, me!?! Super friendly, petite, always smiling, girl from a small town, me? The qualities that intimidate us vary for everyone.
Here is one universal truth, well said by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And I don't need to meet you to know that there is nothing inferior about you, my friend.
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