Ever noticed how it’s much easier to rattle off parts of yourself that you don’t like than to list all the traits that make you a undeniably awesome?
We all want it... to accept and love ourselves. But at times it seems too difficult and too far out of reach. Where do you start?
Here’s a handful of ways that will set you in the right direction.
1. Keep in mind that you are not only one thing.
It’s easy to fall into black and white thinking:
Good vs. Bad
Kind vs. Judgmental
Energetic vs. Lazy
Nurturing vs. Critical
Attractive vs. Ugly
Hopeful vs. Crotchety
Live in the grey area. You will flux between all of these things day to day. Remove the judgement from being, or feeling as if you are on either side of the spectrum. You are only human.
2. Set an intention for unapologetic self-love.
Create a mantra for yourself and repeat it every morning or whenever you need to be reminded. “I know who I am. I am enough” for example.
Challenge your inner critic with your mantra. Allow it to remind you of the intention that irregardless of the situation, you are capable and of practicing self-love.
When you begin to hear the critical voice start in the back of your head, recognize it, call it out “here you go again with the not-good enough story” and challenge it with your mantra (read more about setting intentions here).
3. Stop comparing yourself to Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat feeds.
Unfollow the people who make you feel not-good-enough. Why do you follow them? Are you hoping that eventually you will feel empowered because your life one-ups theirs? Is there secondary gain that you receive from the emotional hit that happens when the comparison game starts? Pin point your motivation. Can you be happy for them that they’re rocking out in Punta Cana while you’re hanging in the back yard with your dog? If not, the unfollow button is readily available.
Know that your life is your own, you are the only you in this world. Who and what can compare to that?
4. Forgive yourself for mistakes that you have made.
Compassion. Make it your new go to.
To start, feel compassionate toward yourself that it is literally impossible to be perfect. Society tells us that we should be ashamed of our shortcomings, our mistakes and our perceived failure. Remember, you are only human. You will make mistakes, time and time again. And, you will always have the opportunity to turn to yourself with compassion instead of hostility and judgement.
Instead of getting caught up in how you could have done better, offer yourself a compassionate response. “That didn’t go as planned. But, I tried my best. I really put myself out there” Or, “I blew things out of proportion because I was feeling looked-down upon. That always seems to trigger an emotional response. I will work on recognizing that and stopping it in its tracks in the future.”
5. Recognize all of your strengths.
Write them down in a journal. Think of one per day if you have to. Like I mentioned earlier, we are conditioned to look at our shortcomings and how we aren’t enough. Add to your list as you think of more. Begin to train your brain to look at strength before weakness.
While you’re at it, list all of your accomplishments and achievements. You have a job, earned your degree, heck, you got out of bed today. Nothing is too small to celebrate.
6. Now that you’ve listed your strengths, list your imperfections.
Turn the page in your journal. Put into words why you feel unworthy, why you don’t feel good enough.
Now, read these words back to yourself. Just by externalizing the words onto paper you are taking power away from them. Look at the ink on the paper. Realize, these are just words. You have the power to make them mean something. This is a perfect time to show yourself some compassion.
Feeling overwhelmed? Flip back a page in your journal to your list of strengths and achievements. See how awesome you are?
7. Practice mindfulness.
In times that you are feeling significantly oppressed by your inner-critic take a few deep breaths. Inhale for a four count, hold for a four count, exhale for a four count and hold for a four count. Repeat as many times as you need to ground yourself in the present moment.
Don’t run from the inner critic. Greet it. Acknowledge what it is saying. Let it be there. But, tell it that you won’t be spinning your wheels because of its harsh words today.
You have bigger fish to fry.
You have a life to live and goals to work toward.
It can hang around as long as it wants, but you intend to love yourself and show yourself compassion. Because you know that you are enough just as you are.
Sarah is a therapist and coach based out of Horsham, PA who works with women struggling with anxiety, self esteem, body image and disordered eating. You can find out more about Sarah and follow her blog at sarahherstichlcsw.com.