I am going to cut to the chase in this weeks blog, divorce is overwhelming, there are so many fears, worries, that we often feel like we are digging our way out of a emotional and logistical avalanche bought on by divorce. I speak to thousands of divorcees, and they all say the same thing that they want mostly simple practical advice on where to go, what to do, and how divorce plays out from the beginning of the process to the end. So here it is 7 simple tips on what practically you can do to facilitate a less turbulent and stressful divorce.
1. Breathe. Sounds ridiculously simple right? But stress will kill you and adds no end to the way you feel, on a daily basis.Even if you aren't really into meditation just taking 7-10 deep slow full breathes 3-4 times a day, makes the world of difference. Floods your brain with oxygen and calms your stressful divorce heart.
2. Work Out. You do not need to be an athlete or even enjoy actually working out, but any kind of physical activity, from Pilates, yoga, hiking, walking all release endorphin's which lift your mood naturally, relieves stress, and makes you over all feel happier and better. I am not a runner or a work out person, but during my divorce I ran 5 miles a day, in many ways I think this was the thing that kept me most balanced during the depressing, trying times.
3. Go Out. Divorce is very isolating, the process of what you are going through makes you feel alone. You will most likely feel like you don't want to leave the house, or socialize at all, but try to make yourself. While out and in the company of others, your mind can be distracted from the multitude of thoughts and emotions associated with divorce. A break from the thoughts will feel refreshing and will reset your mind a little here and there.
4. Set Goals. One of the worst parts about my own divorce, was the feeling of both uncertainty and lack of direction. I had no goals, no organized plan and it definitely added to the stress of feeling untethered and like a strange, out of control free fall in your life. The way to correct this is to set goals, dream big and make daily actions towards them. The more accountable you hold your self the better. I promise you if you take daily positive actions, you will start to feel more in control of your own destiny, but also of your emotions, you will feel more grounded and less emotional as you take more control of your life.
5. Love yourself. This phrase is radically over used, yes clearly we need to love ourselves, look after ourselves and be kind to ourselves in daily life no matter what. Divorce though will often set off an array of self loathing thoughts, maybe we were not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, successful enough. That maybe the demise of our marriage was our fault, so in this area I am mostly referring to just loving your self enough, to not let those negative thoughts take hold of you. We need to love ourselves enough to forgive ourselves, for not being totally perfect in all areas. It is OK, we are all just humans, we all make mistakes, divorce is a complex subject and no one person is solely responsible for blame ever.
6. Be Grateful. This is tough one often we can think, what do we have to be grateful for? We are exiting a marriage, we are most likely losing financially, we may have no job or career to support ourselves, we maybe watching our spouse go into a new relationship. However if we change out attitude even a little, and see divorce as a place filled with opportunity and new choices to be made, then we can start being grateful for this. The world and your future can be anything you wish it to be.
7. Accept Change. Change why do we hate it so? Most of us do it is unnerving moving to a different place, having a different child custody plan, starting a new job, we really need to try as best we can to not just accept change but embrace it too. Go with it float with it let it take you to a new better place.
Divorce is always quoted as the second most stressful life event, no one said it will be an easy path. What divorce can be though is as good as you make it, so use these tips and have faith that your newly single life can be anything you want it to be!