Your phone lights up. Your online dating inbox has a new message. For a split second, you have hope. Maybe this message will be different than all the others. Maybe you will even find this man attractive. Perhaps this email will finally be the one that doesn't have you contemplating the potential rise in serial killers populating your neighborhood.
You open your inbox. Unattractive pictures. A profile written on a third grade level. And a message that seals the deal on the trifecta of feeling hopeless: "Wussup babe. You have the most beautiful brown eyes I ever seen. Wanna chat?" You log off, wondering if online dating was ever a good idea to begin with.
If this sounds familiar, don't get too down on your luck. The world of online dating is filled with the good, the bad and the downright ugly when it comes to suitors. But that doesn't mean you don't have control over your fate. Much of your destiny online depends on the quality of your online dating profile.
Sub-standard profiles will attract any man. Great profiles will attract the best men. Well, its time to become the best. With a bit of hard work and training, anyone can create a profile that will stand out from the competition and attract the right people. In this post, I am going to teach you a few steps to help make this happen. It's time to stop getting passed over and start getting noticed.
1. The photo gallery is the gateway.
I hate to start this list on a shallow note, but no matter how amazing the written portion of your profile is, if the pictures are not up to par, the majority of men will never even read it. Sad, but true. This doesn't mean you have to be above-average in the looks department. All it means is you have to present yourself well. Make a calculated effort to post pictures that are both flattering to your particular look while also revealing the best aspects of your personality.
2. Provide "bait" for the reader.
Often, men will see a profile they are attracted to, struggle with what to say, get frustrated and consequently, skip to the next profile. They know they have to be interesting to get a response, but thinking of something interesting to say every single time they message a woman is very difficult.
Providing bait for the reader is the solution. Suppose you love camping. Writing in your profile that "I love camping in the summer," doesn't make it easy for the reader to strike up a conversation. However, let's suppose you change this statement to, "I'm always up for a night of camping out under the stars (don't forget to ask me about the time I was almost attacked by a bear!)."
This new and improved statement provides bait for men who want to message you. It gave them a question to ask you, making their life incredibly easy. The more bait you leave, the more likely men will message you without skipping to the next profile.
3. Do not become a walking cliché.
Let me guess. Sometimes you like go out on a Friday night, but sometimes you are OK sitting in with a glass of wine and watching a movie, right? Welcome to the, "I'm the same as every other woman on this dating site" club. If you want to stand out from the crowd, reveal your personality in a unique way.
Instead, let's change the phrasing above to, "When I'm not out with my friends on a Friday night, I love curling up under the covers and watching a scary movie (any suggestions?)." In this revised statement, I have turned a cliché into a statement that has personality, flirts with the reader, provides bait and discusses the type of movies that I am specifically into.
4. Use language that displays confidence.
Many men and women unintentionally use language that displays a lack of confidence. For example, writing that "I really hope to meet a man who is smart, fun and handsome," doesn't sound terrible, but the word "hope" implies that you are the one chasing and "hoping" things will turn out OK. It subconsciously creates the image of a woman who has not had the best of luck with men in the past.
By changing this statement to, "the perfect man for me is smart, fun and handsome," the perception completely changes. This subtle change portrays the image of a woman who is confident, in control and knows what she wants. Stick to language that shows high levels of confidence whenever possible.
5. Avoid negative lists.
It is a huge mistake to create a massive list of turnoffs, deal-breakers and qualities that you are not looking for in a partner. While you may think this is a productive way to ward off unwanted suitors, all it does is make men think that you are a negative person and possibly jaded by one too many bad dates.
The unwanted suitors are going to arrive at your inbox no matter what you do. The key to your profile is to attract the ones you do want by appearing to be a happy, fun-loving person. At the end of the day, quality men are attracted to positivity, not women who come across as disgruntled, overly picky and jaded.
6. Show that you can be one of the guys in your profile.
One of the best compliments a woman can ever receive is when a guy tells his friends, "She's awesome. She's like one of the guys." What guy wouldn't want to bring his girlfriend around his friends and feel totally comfortable? Being "one of the guys" every now and then doesn't just show that you are fun to hang out with; it also shows that you are not high maintenance, are down to earth and can have fun doing just about anything.
Suppose you don't like football, but like beer and wings. You don't have to lie and pretend to like football. But writing, "I may be a total foodie, but I am always up for a Sunday Fun Day, eating wings and drinking beer with the boys," can go a very long way. The more you show that you can be a potential best friend as well as a romantic partner, the better.
7. The one bad picture rule.
Having six pictures that generate attraction in a man can be completely destroyed by a seventh picture that completely turns a man off. Many men online have their guard up when it comes to photo galleries, due to the amount of people that attempt to deceive others online. Seeing one unflattering picture is sometimes enough to make a man question everything he has seen prior to that photo. As a rule of thumb, you are only as good as your worst picture. This may seem harsh, but online dating can be a very shallow world.
For more profile writing advice from Joshua Pompey, read this free article on how to write an online dating profile, or check out Joshua Pompey's custom-made profiles, where he has been successfully writing profiles since 2009.