As the Executive Director of BEAM, I constantly hear people say that “optimism” and “positive thinking” are the answers to addressing Black emotional health. I often hear that if we simply changed our outlook on racism, or focused more on the good in our communities, mental health challenges and systemic inequity would inevitably (and some even say automatically) disappear. I disagree with this perspective. I disagree because transphobia, racism, sexism, ableism and you know---all the historical trauma and ongoing psychological distress that Black people experience in this country, need more elaborate solutions than just “think positive’ and “look on the bright side.” We actually need much more than optimism: we need access to mental health care, economic justice, training, social justice informed mental health literacy and most importantly—each other. But before we even get there we need a new, honest re-framing of what emotional health is and how emotions work. We need this because a lot of the common knowledge shared in our communities and in the United States in general, does a great dis-service to our general well being.
So in the spirit of addressing that, here are 8 tips on emotional health that I use to guide my life and the work BEAM does. I hope that you find them helpful. And if you are looking for more resources or support, head over to our website and we will help you take it from there.
Here are my tips and guidelines:
- Emotional health isn’t about feeling happy all the time. Emotional health is about being present with what you feel and learning what your feelings are trying to teach you.
- Every feeling we have teaches us. Sometimes they teach us we need support. Sometimes they teach us to rebel. But they stay teachin’. And we stay bein’ the students. Make sure you are in class paying attention. 🙋🏾♂️
- Don’t try to control your emotions. Control your behaviors. Your emotions can’t be controlled. They just are. Here’s an example: Feeling angry is great. Feel it as much as you need. Flipping over the table because you feel angry? May not be as helpful. Work on methods to express and feel your anger without flipping tables. Tables are expensive.
- Feelings and emotions are like water in pipes. Water in pipes needs to flow. You block the pipes and eventually it floods the basement. Try to avoid the flood. How do you do that? Express your feelings as they come along. Write them out if you need to. Share them with friends. Work to not let them bottleneck and break the pipes. And if you can’t do that---it’s okay— get some friends/support and some buckets. There’s someone out there who has your back. You don’t have to clean it all up alone. 🙂
- My approach to emotional health has always been harm reduction: It’s about getting skills to help us learn how to hurt each other less. Harm will always exist, but we can stop so much of it if we build our skills, transform our systems and take the time to unlearn the toxic emotional training we all have had.
- I feel hopeless and tired sometimes. And you know what? I just own it. I don’t believe in repressing so called “negative emotions”. Whatever you repress will return to you. So try to own it the first time. And if you don’t--- it’s coming back anyway so go ahead and get ready! Key takeaway: Take ownership of your feelings.
- Optimism isn’t always the answer. Sadness comes and anger is real. They pass, they return. Sometimes you will work through them. Sometimes you won’t. Just keep on asking questions about what you can do differently and what your choices and feelings are trying to teach you. Sometimes that’s all you can do. Sometimes that’s enough.
- Last but not least--- YOU are always enough. Sure, you may need to build up your skills, work on your talent or unlearn some stuff---but the CORE of you--- the spirit? Always enough. Always.
Hope these are helpful.
In the spirit of love and healing,
-Yolo Akili Robinson