The relationship may have failed but you’re not a failure.
Okay, the relationship ended. It failed, but no, you’re not a failure. While a failed relationship may feel like a personal failure, the reality is that you’ll be “failing” in dating all the time until you meet the “one.” So unless you’re blessed to date your soul mate on your first date, you’re going to rack up quite a few dating “failures.”
Reframing your mind will help you to maintain perspective on dating “failures” and preserve your self-esteem. Here are 8 reasons why you’re not a dating failure.
1. Relationships do not determine self-worth. Whether or not you’re in a relationship does not determine your greatness. You can be single and fantastic, or married and fantastic. You can also be single and miserable or married and miserable! Your attitude determines your altitude. Any relationship you are in will benefit from a great attitude and healthy self-esteem.
2. It’s human nature not to like everyone. It’s human nature that we connect more to some people than others. That is not a failure – that’s just human nature. Of course there will be the time that you both like each other. The best is yet to come.
3. We all struggle. Have you read the article about how easy it is to date and find the one? No? Me neither. That’s because we all struggle in life and love. At some point we go through love challenges. Before I got married I thought I’d never meet the “one.” The struggle and pain I felt was unbearable. Don’t despair; struggling is normal and a part of the process.
4. Failure is actually a part of success. The way to be a success in life and love is to try. The path to success is laced with failures along the way. So what you see as “failure” is actually the pathway to success. An actual failure would be not trying at all. Don’t be afraid to try and not succeed. Only be afraid of not trying at all, for that is true failure.
5. It’s out of your control. Whether you’re in a relationship or not is not always up to you. No matter how hard you try to find the “one,” it’s ultimately out of our hands. G-d has a plan, and it doesn’t always align with what we prefer. Yes, you need to do your part in looking and dating; however, you also need to let go, be patient and remind yourself that you don’t run the show (and neither do I or I’d deliver your soul mate now). Things are happening behind the scenes, even when it’s not at the speed which you would prefer.
6. You have great character traits. Most singles who are dedicated to finding the “one” are both passionate and persistent. These traits are aligned with successful people. As the saying goes, things worth having don’t come easy. Take pride in your efforts and keep the traits that make you a better person.
7. You have hope. If you’re still trying to find the one even after many unsuccessful attempts, that is a strong indication that you still have hope. I know the hope may be deep within you, but that glimmer of hope is what makes you a great person. People who are more hopeful and positive generally live better lives and achieve their goals. Striving for something you believe in makes you a courageous person and that is an attractive trait to have when dating and in life.
8. You’ve moved mountains. Recognize everything you’ve done in trying to make the right relationship happen. If I asked you to list all your efforts, your list would be pages long. Anyone who has made this much effort to find their other half is an inspiration to me. You have endurance and stamina. Take pleasure in the inner strength that comprises your core.
If you haven’t succeeded in love yet, remember that you’re in good company. Breathe deeply and remember that love is coming your way. Keep your eyes open and your heart ready to welcome someone into your life.
Originally published here, on Aish.com.