Chances are you think you’re great in bed, and you think this way because you thoroughly enjoy yourself. While that’s all fine and good, but if you’re not factoring her enjoyment into the equation, you’re missing out. (Yes, really.) It’s not that you have to do things you don’t want to - no one should - or that her pleasure should come before yours all the time - it’s a two way road and one’s enjoyment of time between the sheets should rarely be focused on a single person in a two person situation. But just as how you enjoy it when women to find you irresistible in public, maybe it’s that cologne you have on or you’re just in a Don Draper type of moment where everything you do seems to turn to gold, you’ll also enjoy sex more when you make a few tweaks to ensure women find you irresistible in the bedroom.
To improve your sex skills you don’t need to be a master with your tongue - although that never hurts - nor do you need to remove all the sexual positions and deeds that only lead to your pleasure. Instead turn the focus in on you and consider what you can do to make yourself a more desirable sexual partner. Not sure where to start? Begin with these easily tips and tricks that will increase her satisfaction, and as a result, make her want to jump your bones more often.
1. Focus on Mutual Pleasure
Of course most men reading this immediately jump to the conclusion that this means must you focus harder on making her orgasm, multiple times. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but no it’s not only about that. Women enjoy sex on a connection level as much as they do on the physically pleasurable level. The last thing you want to do is a sudden 180 in your sexual routine and make it all about making her finish.
First of all, it’s not a race, and acting as so will not only take away from your enjoyment, lead to resentment, and probably put her in an uncomfortable state of mind, unable to achieve orgasm no matter what you do. Too much pressure from you to make sure she has an orgasm is only going to throw make it harder for her to relax (and actually reach that point) and will take away from the connection aspect most women value so much in any sexual encounter.
Yes, you want to make her come of course - for most men it’s a turn on and feels good if you’re inside - but you don’t want to force it. The solution? Emphasize and enhance the experience for her through touch, words, moans, etc, and throw your expectations out the window. Also make sure you incorporate sexual acts and positions that feel good to both of you, and yes that means you’ll have to do a bit of trial and error and most importantly communicating.
2. Make Your Face a Source of Pleasure Rather Than Pain
Beards looks great on some men, and if you’re one of them you likely sport facial hair more often than not. Beards are simply manly, and when kept well groomed, they do spark a somewhat animalistic note in the fairer sex. The only problem with them? They’re often rough and course, meaning when your beard touches her skin, it can easily irritation on whatever area your mouth is around. This applies from anywhere from her checks to down there areas. When women feel like their skin is being rubbed against a dried on loofah it’s hard to enjoy anything else your mouth or fingers are doing.
The solution? Invest in some high-quality beard oil. Beard oil only not only moisturizes your skin, volumizes your beard, and often smells amazing to women (and yes the smell matters) but some of the best brands actually soften your often rough facial hair. With regular use, you’ll have facial hair that feels like silk across her inner thighs, or wherever you happen to be, rather than an exfoliant.
3. Regulate What You Eat
Everything you put into your body gets absorbed or extracted in some way or another. It’s great to eat healthy, but take notice of what you are eating. We’ve all heard eating asparagus makes men taste bad but it’s not limited to just that food, and the smell/taste output consequence isn’t just limited to men. (For example, red meat, a food much more appetizing to most than asparagus, can make women taste and smell bad down there.)
The truth is everything that you consume you smell and taste like.
The more of anything you consume, the more potent it is coming from your body. As any man with a decent amount of sexual experience knows, some girls taste and smell more preferable than others. This is a result of a few factors: hygiene, pheromones (aka if you like her more, you’re more likely to be attracted to her smell, whatever it may be), and natural body chemistry. While some women can eat whatever they want and still smell and taste good, others have to be more cautious. The same applies to men. If you eat an excess of broccoli or brussel sprouts (sorry but) you’re going to taste like it. Overall just stick to a very balanced diet, and stay hydrated - and pineapple juice never hurts for the latter point.
4. Keep Your Stamina High but Her Confidence Higher
There is little more heart wrenching, frustrating, and somewhat humiliating to women than trying to initiate sex and being turned down. Deep down we know it’s not a personal thing, sometimes men just aren’t in the mood, don’t feel well, are too much in their heads, ( or, let’s be honest, just really want to watch some game on tv…) but it still feels like a punch in the heart to women when they get turned down. Now some women just have more active sex drives than others, and your and her drive might not be on the same level.
This isn’t to say you need to bow to her every wish and command when she’s in the mood and neither does she, but you should both make an effort to at least show appreciation when and if the other person initiates sex. If you’re really not in the mood, suggest a massage, do an activity that’s more playful, watch some porn together if she’s into that, all of which could get you turned on when you’re not initially. And if it doesn't lead to sex, it doesn't and that’s fine, but most importantly do show appreciation for the gesture so she won’t have any hesitations about continuing with them in the future.
5. Make Efforts to Show You Care, About Her, Simply as a Person
The more respect and good-hearted actions you show her in everyday life, the more comfortable she’s going to be expressing herself in the bedroom. Women need to know they aren’t going to regret decisions made in the heat of the moment, and the best way to hush any concerns she might worry she’d feel shameful after the fact of is to continually show respect and admiration, no matter what compromising position you just saw her in. Chivalry isn’t chauvinism, and a little bit goes a long way. In easing her mind that you’ll still respect and cherish her, you’ll allow her to let her guard down and be more open to experimenting with sex - which can be a bonus for you, her, and your relationship as a whole.
6. Use Dirty Talk (or Text) to Discover Her Desires
Opening doors and showing a woman honor is one thing, but women are also sexual beings, so it does wonders to throw a little dirty talk into your normal communication. We’ve all heard communication matters, but when it comes to intimate experiences, communication can sometimes be trickier than normal. As so, risque, suggestive statements don’t need to be saved for when you’re both naked. Talking out sexual fantasies and urges gives you a chance to get an idea of how she would respond to them in real life.
Likewise, if you do it well, and there are multiple resources online that will explain exactly how to, you’ll probably relax her enough that she’ll start actively participating, rather than just be a casual observer who you’re throwing ideas at. It’s not uncommon that, people - both women and men - feel more comfortable, if not protected by a technology barrier, about being open about sexual desires in a text message than in a face to face context. In this best case scenario, you’ll get to discover what she’s really craving from your sexual encounters. Just keep the vibe positive, complimenting what you like and being suggestive rather than criticizing or complaining.
7. Be Sensual Outside the Bedroom
If the only time you and her have skin contact is during sex and saying hello and goodbye, it’s going to lead to some frustration, if it hasn't already. Going from one extreme to the other, in this case, no bodily contact for hours while together to straight up sex isn’t natural or healthy. As humans we’re sexual beings and the same way babies are comforted and soothed by touch, adults are too.
Be sensual with each other when it has nothing to do with sex.
Hug, rub arms, touch toes, lay with each other, grab at each other if you feel the need, just have some sort of contact that isn’t reserved for hello/goodbye formality kissing and sex. Even if it’s not your personality type, you need to show her some playfulness and spontaneity. Doing so keeps her feeling desirable and more smoothly paves the way of going from sitting in the couch together to having amazing sex.
8. Stretch It Out, All of It
Stretching applies to many things here. Stretch your body so you’re flexible and can slow down the pace. This means keeping your body in shape of course, but consider how exactly you do that. If your main source of exercise is strenuous and rough on your bones, you’re more likely to bring those features into other areas of your life - it’s only natural. Relaxation and rejuvenation - via stretching, yoga, whatever it may be - is as important as your workout to your mental state of mind.
Stretch your time together in bed so everytime isn’t a quickie. When it comes to timing don’t actually time yourself or something ridiculous, (although if you happen to notice you went for an extremely long period, you can pat both yourselves on the back) but do put in the proper amount of time and attention needed for each particular sexual encounter.
Finally, stretch your imagination and experiment with themes, toys (which can be a simple as a man’s tie), positions, places, etc. Continue to evolve as a sexual pair rather than remain stagnant. Use sex as a means to connect with her regardless of what else is going on in either of your lives or your relationship. If you can prioritize your time spent with her in bed, and make it enjoyable for her, it’s likely little tiffs and aggravations in other areas of your life and relationship can be more easily resolved or may simply even just melt away.