By, Elizabeth Lesser
It’s that time of year again: the modern miracle known as The Holidays, when into the dark little months of November and December, we squeeze Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and a myriad of other celebrations, from ancient solstice rituals to the more contemporary rites of school plays, office parties, and community gatherings. Throw in a generous dose of unrealistic expectations, dysfunctional family feasts complete with political disagreements, airplane flights, and long drives, darker days, colder weather, budget-busting shopping, excess eating and drinking, and no wonder that along with “joy to the world” comes seasonal stress for most, and for some, real depression and loneliness. So I've come up with some ways to help us stay healthy and sane, to celebrate and enjoy, and to dig into the real meaning of the holidays. Of course, another option is just to ignore the madness completely (good luck with that!) or to knock yourself out trying to live up to all of your holiday expectations (good luck with that too). Instead, try these:
1) Be Kind…Stress doesn't bring out the best in us, so remember to take a few breaks during a busy day or at a family gathering or whenever you feel overwhelmed. Find a quiet spot—even if you have to go into the bathroom and lock the door—and just sit still for a minute or two. Put your hand on your chest and pat your heart gently. Then take a deep breath into that spot, and flood yourself with warm feelings of kindness. Breathe in and out, focusing on self-acceptance and self-forgiveness—kindness toward yourself. If you only have time to do that, it’s enough. Or, add this to the practice: Inhale self-kindness, and as you exhale, extend that kindness to others—the people you love, those with whom you disagree, and finally our whole amazing, confounding, hurting, evolving world. This is a wonderful practice to do when you wake up, when you go to sleep, or whenever you like during the day.
2) Simplify…We live in an excessive culture. We fill each day with too much activity, too much stuff, too much media, and too many responsibilities pulling on us in too many directions. We go to bed at night and wonder where the heck the day went. We wake up and do it again. And now at the holidays we’re supposed to add more excess to the excess. More food, more socializing, more presents that require more money. I think it’s a revolutionary act to resist the more, more, more culture, and instead to simplify. Purchase fewer gifts and put more thought and meaning into the ones you do give. Say no to engagements that will only add more stress to your week. Say yes to gatherings that fill your soul and make you and others happy. Unplug from the 24/7 news and social media. Find a little kid and hitch your wagon to their wonder.
3) Roll With the Changes…As families change and grow, traditions change as well. For example, if you are a working woman who had a stay-at-home mother, instead of knocking yourself out trying to reproduce the exact old-fashioned holiday of your childhood, relax your standards. Do what fits YOUR life, and infuse it with meaning, humor, and love. Or if you are a divorced dad or mom, share the holidays with your ex with as much generosity and harmony as you can conjure up. It will be the best gift you give to your kids this year. If you are far away from your family (or choose not to be with them), invite others into your home and give the words “extended family” new meaning.
4) Help Others…not because you SHOULD, but because it feeds everyone—the giver and the receiver. Find someone who is struggling financially or emotionally or physically, and lend a helping hand, soothe their loneliness or hunger or confusion or pain. Check out the stories of every holiday tradition—from Thanksgiving to Hanukkah to Christmas. If you celebrate any of these holidays, you might as well get down to what they are really about: generosity, connection, welcoming the refugee, the promise of light-in-the-darkness. Be that light for someone else.
5) Drop In…to a church or mosque or synagogue or temple or…you get the idea. Even if you have no religious affiliation or belief—even if you have deep-seated problems with religion in general—these kinds of spaces have a mysterious quality that can bring peace to a visitor. They carry within their walls the prayers and songs of our human family. Instead of hurrying by that church you have passed a hundred times on the way to work, take a moment to enter its doors and sit quietly, imbibing the beauty. If houses of worship don’t cut it for you, find your own quiet, sacred space: a grove in the woods; a bench in the park; the clear, dark sky on a winter’s night; a meditation class.
6) Take Care…Eat well, drink water, exercise, sleep more, and then be merry. Instead of waiting to make one more feeble New Year’s resolution to join a gym or cut back on the drink or sugar or Twitter, do it right now. You will be amazed at how just the littlest bit of movement and healthful habits will lift your spirits and reduce your stress.
7) Love Everything…even the hard times; even the cranky and crooked people of the world; even yourself, with all of your embarrassing shortcomings. If loving everything seems impossible, start with forgiveness. Forgive all sorts of people—those from your past, your work, your family; even those abhorrent jerks and so-called enemies in the news. Bitterness toward others is like drinking poison. You can protect yourself, have healthy boundaries and passionate beliefs, and still put down the bitter cup.
8) Joy to the World…How strange that we have everything we need to cheer up right this minute, but so often, joy alludes us. You may recoil at this idea—you may think, “She has NO idea what I am going through; cheering up is not possible.” But I have met some of the most joyful people in the most unlikely, difficult places, including jails and hospitals. And some of the gloomiest, most aggrieved people in luxurious homes and privileged situations. Albert Einstein said that the most important thing to pursue is “sacred awe.” If you think about it, how awe-some—preposterous really—that we are here at all. That YOU showed up here on this little blue marble floating in space. Each one of us has a joyful core that is truer than the worry, the sadness, the blame, the fear. Find your joyful core. Trust it. Be it. Share it.
ELIZABETH LESSER is the author of several best-selling books, including Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow and Marrow: Love, Loss & What Matters Most. She is the cofounder of Omega Institute, recognized internationally for its workshops and conferences in wellness, spirituality, creativity, and social change. She has given two popular TED talks, and is one of Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul 100, a collection of a hundred leaders who are using their voices and talent to elevate humanity. elizabethlesser.org