This 84 Cheeseburger Monstrosity Is Not Fit For Human Consumption

Don't eat this thing.

Say you had a fistful of uranium. Would you use it to power a city, or to blow one up? 

As much as we at HuffPost Weird News adore competitive eating, we never thought we'd have to grapple with the morality of weaponized cheeseburgers. But now, thanks to the Canadian vloggers from Epic Meal Time, we see that cheeseburgers can in fact be used for evil. 

Our innocence died with this video. 

This Frankenstein monster of a sandwich has 84 McDonald's cheeseburgers baked into its bun, which weighs 12 pounds. That's to say nothing of the giant patties, which the vloggers sculpt -- along with eggs and barbecue sauce -- into a kind of meatloaf that miraculously cooks all the way through. 

Here's what the finished product, which contains 64,538 calories and 3,928 grams of fat, looks like. Honestly, the patties look kind of dry. 

It's not clear how much the bacon and cheese contribute to the burger's staggering calorie count, but we can't fault the decision to include those toppings. If you're going this big to begin with, neglecting bacon -- even an excessive amount -- could damage your credibility. 

We can, however, judge the decision to ingest this monster. Its calorie count would satisfy the suggested daily intake of more than 32 people, as well as the recommended fat intake for more than 60 people. Don't eat this thing.  

Here's some food for thought: Competitive eater Nela Zisser recently documented her struggle to consume 20 McDonald's cheeseburgers in one sitting. If the pros can barely handle that number, the fate of a mere mortal attempting to wolf down more than four times as many burgers at once looks pretty grim.

Competitive eater Crazy Legs Conti told The Huffington Post that oversized burgers are neither novel nor special. He said that the "large format burger" has been part of eating challenges in the Midwest for years, and that it's rarely worth it.

"The taste? Two words: hockey puck," Conti said in an email Friday. "For me, the large format burger has no eating challenge appeal. It's a great photo op, but I'd rather drop it off a trampoline to see how high it flies than eat it."

"Having the ability to down a monster burger doesn't mean one has to use it. I'd rather tackle one rare Corner Bistro burger than the 84 cheeseburger because with great stomach power comes greater eating responsibility," Conti said.