This post was originally published on Techealthiest.
We are in the midst of an amazing month focused on healthy narcissism on Techealthiest.
In the spirit of understanding what we mean by the healthy version of narcissism, I'm going to share with you what unhealthy narcissism looks and sounds like.
Please pay attention to the ninth sign because it's a huge giveaway and it's not discussed very much elsewhere on the internet, but it's such a painful sign that should be dealt with.
Without further ado, here are nine signs that you're in a relationship with a narcissist:
1) Your partner can't tolerate your success.
One giveaway would be if you and your partner cannot be successful at the same time. Instead, you always find yourself in a one-up-one-down situation in which one of you can only thrive at a time.
2) You have suspicions that your partner lacks basic empathy.
How many times have you witnessed your significant other insulting other people with very little justification for his harsh words? (This can be a sign of other personality disturbances as well.)
3) Your partner has trouble supporting you emotionally during small, everyday situations that upset you, but when terrible events are happening, he or she loves the feeling of being needed and steps into the supportive role with ease.
Some narcissists require you to need them in order to ignite their powerful, caring side.
4) Your partner is extremely successful in his or her career and it seems like he or she has stepped on other people's heads to achieve an elevated status or title.
Yes, many narcissists run the show. This is where narcissism can be a blessing as much as a curse.
5) More than a few people have described him or her as "self-referential."
Yes, another dead giveaway is when your partner is constantly thinking or saying, "What does this say about me?"
6) A textbook sign of narcissism is that your significant other constantly needs to be admired.
Does it seem like your partner looks inward to find value or does the world need to reflect his or her greatness...all of the time?
7) It's implied that you always have to let go of your needs and meet your partner's expectations for how a particular situation is supposed to happen.
Do you have an equal say in what you do together? Is he or she constantly punishing you for not meeting expectations?
8) Your partner shows a huge blindspot in recognizing how his or her actions impact other people.
This is also about empathy, but I like to talk about it more in terms of someone lacking the ability to place him- or herself in your shoes and see the world from your eyes.
9) Your partner tends to speak with pathological certainty when sharing his or her own opinions.
Pathological certainty is when someone seems like they're in the business of making other people bad or wrong. It's as though they've made the choice to be right instead of happy. Many narcissists always have to be right. This is the unattractive side of narcissism.
Equally as important is figuring out if you're, in fact, the narcissist in the relationship.
Whether it's you or your partner who grapples with unhealthy narcissism, check out Techealthiest for more on how to transform unhealthy narcissism into something healthy.
You can even begin with a light-hearted approach to transforming your negative narcissistic tendencies by making your selfies healthy. I explain how to take healthy selfies in this video.
If you suspect (or already know) that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to address it so that you both don't suffer more than you have to. In my biased opinion, therapy would be the best option.
Techealthiest is an exciting blog dedicated to teaching the technology of health and happiness. Learn innovative tips and strategies for improving your relationship, including the impact of your digital world on love and marriage.
Dr. Greg Kushnick is a Manhattan psychologist in private practice. He has worked successfully with couples who were grappling with the negative effects of narcissism in one or both partners.