A Breakdown of Fees for My Patient Services

Dear Doctor,

I received your message stating that you were unhappy and confused with the bill you received from me for my patient services. I apologize for the inconvenience and I understand that, as a doctor, you may not be used to receiving a bill from patients.

I know your first question is: "Why did I get a bill?" I know! I paid my co-pay so why would you get a bill? If you sign on to my website you will see that, as my doctor, you are subject to my patient services bill. Simply navigate to the "benefits" page, watch my short video introduction then use your social security number to e-sign the waiver. There you will see it clearly states that my services as a patient come at a fee. It is your responsibility to check before appointments to see if there will be a bill.

I understand the billing can be a bit confusing but I can clear this up with a breakdown of the charges and codes. The bulk of the fees are due to the status of your waiting room. Codes 356-362 all deal with your sub-par accommodations. You don't have a water-cooler so I had to provide my own hydration at a cost of $12.50 per liter. Additionally, I'm afraid your office does not provide Wi-Fi so you are responsible for my data charges of $87.69. Code 342.01 is actually for my HBO subscription -- I'm not sure how that got onto your bill, and I apologize. I admit I was hoping you would just pay it and not notice, but since you have noticed, I will have it removed.

Codes 342-01,-04,-05 are all codes for dealing with your billing office. I spent three hours dealing with Melissa: dates of service: 11/9/15 and 11/12/15. My phone service is $232.11 per day, in addition to headache medicine for dealing with billing costs: $56.35 and billing related stress eating costs $35.68.

Code 678-005 is a blood drawing charge. My blood is highly valuable to me and the cost to draw it is unfortunately quite high. The phlebotomist took 3ML at a cost of $372.11. As all patent's blood value varies based on their personal preference, I suggest you discuss this cost with your patients before drawing the blood in order to avoid future costs.

Code 375.01 is my peak hour billing code. Your office unfortunately doesn't have hours after my work schedule; therefore appointments need to be made during my regular business hours thus costing me an incalculable loss of business. Fortunately, I was able to calculate that into your bill for a sum of $543.01. All in all, the 7 minute appointment that took me 1 hour of waiting in the waiting room and 3 hours of dealing with billing results in $2192.02 in total charges.

If you have insurance that I participate with I will offer a discount of $83.45. The result may be subject to your deductible and coinsurance. If the bill is not resolved in 90 days I will send it to my collections pile where I call your personal cell phone in unpredictable intervals including 8AM on Sunday mornings and perhaps 6:15PM on weeknights. If you have any more questions on this bill please feel free to call my home office between the hours of 2:30-250PM on February 29th of any leap year.

Thank you for your patronage.
Kelly Sater