The days are getting shorter. The darkness increases in the sky as the darkest parts of our personalities also arise. We rush through this month with our ever growing to do lists and obligations. We show anger as we become triggered through different familial dynamics. We dim our spirits by sometimes choosing to numb with alcohol, food, shopping and drugs.
The energy in the air now is thick and viscous. My boyfriend and I were leaving a grocery store the other night and he said: "Woah, did you notice the looks on peoples faces? The energy this time of the year feels frantic." While I agreed, I did not really notice the other people, let alone their energy or facial expressions. No, I was only focused on my own agenda of getting the items on my list as quickly as possible. My oblivion and self-absorption tells me that I likely was wearing the same grimace as the holiday zombies.
I felt like a fraud. I have been teaching about presence and gratitude this whole month to my coaching clients and yoga students.
My disconnect with my truth did not end there, though! Just yesterday I was waiting for my car and an older man pushing a shopping cart filled with all of his belongings walked in the lot and started incessantly repeating a random fact to me and the valet attendant. I was so focused on getting my car and leaving, I literally said to this stranger: "Nobody cares, go away."
He exploded with anger and started shouting profanities at me as I drove away. My empathic spirit felt and took on his rage that I so carelessly taunted and invited. The situation made me feel horrible, not because I was getting screamed at, but because I treated this person as a separate and less than.
On my drive home, I remembered some of the tools from studying the metaphysical text: A Course in Miracles. The course says: "A miracle is a shift in perception from Fear to Love."
Feeling inspired by my desire to atone for my mistakes, I turned this situation over to my Higher Power. I asked for forgiveness and for the grace and willingness to be more patient, present, and kind.
Not too soon after I surrendered and asked for guidance; I began to feel peace, self-compassion, and forgiveness. I started to envision him surrounded by white light. I wished for him the feeling of peace and lightness in his heart. I imagined for the rest of the events in his day to unfold gracefully, even better than he thought possible.
We learn by contrast. In those tiny moments when we deviate; we are given the opportunity to redirect, forgive ourselves, surrender, and ask for the willingness to perceive the world through Loving lenses.
So many of our great religions celebrate the Light this time of the year. My intention and amends to this stranger is to be a bright light in this dark and frantic time. I desire to slow down, be aware and present as I move about my to do lists, work, and play. Most importantly, I intend to practice kindness in the lives of my loved ones, co-workers, the people who flow in and out of my day, and also the people who push my boundaries and trigger me. For those are the true teachers of Love, showing us how we are limited and where we can elevate to open our hearts even more.
Sending Bright and Illuminating Energy this December.
Love, Light, Forgiveness and Grace,
Carolyn Jean