You don't have to be alone to be lonely. A year ago this time, my life was in a utter chaos. It was as though I was dying a slow, torturous death. I tried everything, from buying Christmas trees and presents to help bring the cheer, to no avail. Although I was not physically alone at the time, mentally and emotionally, I was in a very lonely place. Thankfully, today my life is a far cry from those horrible memories, and the pain of gnawing loneliness. My heart goes out to those of you who may be enduring horrible moments in your life during this joyous and festive time of the year. For those of you experiencing a painful phase in your life, I dedicate this blog to you.
Nothing I or others do or say can lessen the disconnect that many may be feeling in their life. My holiday wish for you is to know, that although you may feel all lonely, a loneliness compounded by the joy, cheer and the festive times going on around you, you are never alone in this very sad place! This time of year can take an emotional, physical and financial toll on people and their relationships. I never could have imagined my springing back from the pain and loneliness that I felt this time last year. Yet, I made it through, and found a renewed and invigorated sense of self in the process. My Christmas wish is for you to do the same.
This year I am neither alone nor lonely. Those horrible memories for me have been overshadowed by self-love and the unrelenting outpouring of love from others. Even my "silent" friends, those with whom I don't communicate as often, came through for me as though they were always there waiting to play their role. stupidly, I kept a lot of my pain and loneliness to myself, not wanting to burden others only to discover that they needed to care for me, as it gave purpose and meaning and understanding to their own lives as well. It was a good service to them for me to share.
Let me be clear though, sharing with any and everyone is not healthy either. Those with self-serving motives is not wise. This is traditionally the time for family to be close and unite, unfortunately this is not always the case. I live by the belief that our friendships is God's or Universe's way of apologizing for our families. Others may feel vindication by rejoicing in your pain. As for me, I feel sheer gratefulness for the pain and the loneliness I experienced last year. It has only heightened my appreciation for the joy in my life this Christmas. Just last year, I needed medication to function and to sleep. This year I sleep as a child without worries or cares in the world. That amazes me and I'm truly grateful and send this wish to you.
However, as I go about the holiday routine of gift buying, receiving gifts and cards, I can't help but be reminded of those who may be experiencing less than ideal situations and circumstances this holiday season. I say a silent prayer for you while next to my Christmas tree. I hope, wish and pray that you endure this holiday season with the will and courage to keep striving for the much brighter days that lie just ahead for you. I also ask my friends and those who share a love for humankind to join me in this holiday wish to spread cheer to those who need it the most. Happy holidays to all of us, to all a good night and a Happy New Year!