A Citizen Considers The Trump Inauguration (In The Guise Of A Man On The Street)

A Citizen Considers The Trump Inauguration (In The Guise Of A Man On The Street)
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Lexington, Kentucky, USA - November 1, 2016: Lifelike bobblehead doll of Republican Donald Trump peers out from a burning, apocalyptic landscape. This realistic bobblehead figure became popular prior to the 2016 presidential election and is one of several dolls marketed by Royal Bobbles. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton faced off as Republican and Democratic candidates during their 2016 race for the title of President of the United States. Millions in the US and the world are concerned about the destructive potential of a Trump presidency.
Lexington, Kentucky, USA - November 1, 2016: Lifelike bobblehead doll of Republican Donald Trump peers out from a burning, apocalyptic landscape. This realistic bobblehead figure became popular prior to the 2016 presidential election and is one of several dolls marketed by Royal Bobbles. Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton faced off as Republican and Democratic candidates during their 2016 race for the title of President of the United States. Millions in the US and the world are concerned about the destructive potential of a Trump presidency.

Of course you're joking, America, right? America? This has all been a long and elaborate hoax the likes of which the world has never before seen. Right? It's a masterpiece, the greatest joke of all time. Ha! Well, you had me for a while there. Whew. All right, you can come out of hiding. Come on out and explain to me how you managed to pull this one off.

I mean, Donald Trump as the President of the United States? We go from George Washington and Abe Lincoln to this guy? Beyond belief. Ha. Boy that is a knee slapper. You had me fooled for a few months. I didn't sleep for two months until I figured it out, through my own reasoning facilities. How could I have been so easily fooled?

I mean, c'mon. A reality show host who's never, ever, held ANY sort of political position--not even so much as, say, a member of a city council? No. Scratch that. Not so much even that of a dog catcher in Dogfart, Iowa. He's going to be handed the nuclear codes? Yeah, right. As soon as I learn to play the piano, I'll consider the premise.

No way. No effin way, man. President? It's an impossibility. When I realize that, I begin to calm down. Pass me an Advil, will ya?

Now they're mentioning the Russians. The Russians? Didn't we bring down those yo-yos in the 80s? I know they got that Putin-headed schlemiel running things over there, a country so miserable you got to down a quart of vodka just to live through it for a day. Misery. I get why that writer, Dostoyevsky was such a depressing guy. Talk about a downer. Guy's the last writer you want to read for a pep-me-up. Russia's crime is my punishment. Or, is it the other way around? And now you're trying to tell me the President of the United States owes his job to a CGB cop who's straight out of the Joe Stalin playbook? You gonna tell me that this Trump guy's gonna have Cossacks in the secret service?

But everyone keeps talking about an inauguration. A guy who's chummy with the kluxers? Nope. Can't be. Can't friggin' be. What kind of dummy cites a fat wallet and a stupid reality show as credentials? In the U.S.A? Naw. You'd have to change the country to the United Billionaires of America. The U.B.A.

And this Trump wants religious tests for Muslim immigrants? Who're they gonna come for after they get rid of the Muslims? Think about that. And what about that fat kid in Korea who wants to blow up the U.B.A? That little punk is seriously nutso, given to rash pronouncements, incites violence, and believes the rest of the world is out to get him. Hey, that those're the traits of the guy you say just got elected. Like that schlemiel in the Kremlin. Them three could make up the Larry, Moe and Curly of dictators. The Stooges. Imagine Donny Trump spinning on the floor of the Oval Office. Wu-wu-wu-wu-wu. Spinnin' like a stopwatch.

And now we got the sex stories about this guy. Maybe they're true; maybe they aint. I got no opinion on them stories. But imagine Putin holdin' onto the pics so he can get the so-called President of the U.B.A. to eat a bowl of borscht whenever he wants. Imagine that. Something else.

But they keep telling me the same thing on the news. On every channel. President of the United States, Donald Trump.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Listen, I don't feel so hot. I think I'm running a temperature. I think I'm going back to bed. I'll wake up refreshed in the morning--despite this nightmare I keep having about who's gonna the Prez. I'm sleeping this one off. It'll be a good story to tell to my headshrinker. Maybe there's even some medication for it. President Donald Trump has got to rate as a serious delusion. A serious mental disease. Right? C'mon, you're kiddin' me, right?
Right?

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