A Day in My Pants

As a work-from-home bohemian, one of the toughest questions I face each morning is What type of pants will I wear today? Though my closet has a wide range of skirts, rompers, and men's checkered slacks, I usually end up with two options: a pair of skinny jeans or cozy pants. Cozy pants range anywhere from baggy sweat pants to skin-tight yoga pants, and my decision to wear these usually stems from a mostly suppressed desire to work out; though oftentimes, they just make me too damn comfortable to get off my ass and onto my yoga mat.


To give you a better idea of how this unfortunate daily life choice can alter my productivity and overall mood, here are a couple examples of a day in my shoes pants:

Jeans Day

8 a.m.: Alarm goes off. Crap, what day is it? Should I go back to sleep? Yeah, that sounds good. ZZZzzzzzzZZz.

8:36 a.m.: The sound of either a jack hammer or an alien invasion wakes me from a nightmare in which I'm getting a root canal from a puppy. Phew, glad that's over! I get up and look out my window and into the bedroom of another couple next door, who are still asleep in bed. Not fair!

8:40 a.m.: Wow, did I really just spend four whole minutes spying on the neighbors in bed? I scratch my head and after noticing the absence of my usual pillow-provoked morning bald spot, decide to skip showering; I quickly put on my skinny jeans and a white knit sweater I scored at a clothing swap my co-op hosted the week before.

8:45 a.m.: I whip up some eggs, throw them on a couple tortillas, and top with avocado and hot sauce. This is a common breakfast in my 12-person co-op, and the lack of intense preparation allows me to read a couple of pages of my book about H.H. Holmes, a devilishly handsome serial killer from the late 1800s.

9:05 a.m.: I swipe on some eye shadow and put a couple drops of perfume on my wrists, before shuffling my phone's starred music playlist and head out. Wait, where am I going? Am I supposed to meet somebody? No. Pick up something? No. I guess I'll go to the thrift store and find some more pants.

12 p.m.: Wow, I can't believe I just spent three hours looking at used cookware! I'm suddenly famished and grab an Indian burrito to-go.

1 p.m.: I open my computer and look over my to-do list. How did I get so behind?! I send generic emails to a colleague and my dad, before realizing I just told my dad that I'll be at his baby shower and my colleague that I love her and promise I'll be a better daughter.

5 p.m.: I look at the clock and calculate that I just wasted the rest of my workday looking at pictures of cute animals and reloading my Facebook homepage. Disappointed in myself, I put on my shoes and head for the bar. Today wasn't a complete loss -- I bought a cute new top and managed to down three beers in thirty minutes! Success is subjective, I guess.

Cozy Pants Day

7:55 a.m.: I wake a few minutes before my alarm sounds with an overwhelming urge to pee. The closest bathroom is occupied and sounds similar to a woman in labor creep out from underneath the door and echo through the hallway. Afraid of being anywhere near the delivery room, I grab a towel and head for the downstairs shower, where both my bladder and my oily skin feel simultaneous relief.

8:10 a.m.: I feel fresh, alive and motivated, and put on a pair of grey leggings, knee-high socks, and a t-shirt with some start-up's logo; the only thing I know about the start-up is that they like high-quality cotton and geometric shapes, but I think that's plenty of information to rationalize representing their product.

8:14 a.m.: I press some dark coffee beans and take a big mug of black coffee to my desk, where I respond to emails, read a couple of tech news articles I pretend to care about, and disgorge my most opinionated thoughts into my digital journal. One thought develops into a more cohesive idea, and I begin to write a blog post.

11 a.m.: After a seemingly successful run of paragraphs, I begin to feel restless, and get out my yoga mat. What should I listen to? Aphex Twin will definitely get me pumped but Moby will make me feel centered. I get sidetracked and spend a good hour making a new music playlist entitled "Sweat Sounds."

12:1 0.p.m: Oh shit, lunch time! I roll up my unused yoga mat and head downstairs for a sandwich. After failing yet again at working out, I decide to walk up the three flights of stairs to the roof, and consume my grilled cheese while looking at the San Francisco skyline. I wonder if the people who live in a nearby building worked out today, and deep down, I really hope they didn't.

12:45 p.m.: I get back to my blog post, realize it's a load of crap, and delete everything but one sentence I liked about the difference between jeans and cozy pants. I think I might have something here! I'm suddenly in a writing trance and fail to notice two missed calls on my phone. Who calls people anymore?

5 p.m.: 1,000 words later and I'm finally satisfied with my blog post. I publish it on my website and share on Facebook, anticipating the four or so likes and couple of encouraging comments-usually from my boyfriend and my mom-that are enough inspiration for me to get up and try to do it again tomorrow.

Success is subjective, after all.

*Photo by Dillon Petrillo