A Guide to the Snow Day

As someone who has experienced the snow day on a nearly daily basis for the past month, (14 days and counting) I can say with some authority that snow days do not get cheaper by the dozen. Each one is valuable, a rare oasis in the desert of school, and should never be thought of as the other way around. Once in a while though, there is the confused student who makes the unforgivable mistake of uttering those unspeakable words, "I'm sick of snow days." If that sounds like it could be you, don't worry! You will get through this with my help, and a few easy suggestions of what to do with your time.

I spent my first five snow days in bed with my Kindle Fire, or as I like to call it, my personal Netflix machine. So far this winter, I have finished numerous shows (Parks and Recreation, Arrested Development, all eight seasons of Weeds and Portlandia), but after that first week of snow, I came to the sad realization that I would have to begin rationing my television intake if I wanted to make it through February. I would suggest no more than five hours of television a day, but if you work hard and efficiently, that could be anywhere from seven to 14 episodes, if you skip commercials and take no bathroom breaks.

With only five hours spent watching television, you might even have time for some real life socializing. That's right, human interaction. If you do not have any friends or acquaintances or younger siblings, and live by yourself deep in the woods, round up the local forest animals for outdoor fun. If you do not live in the woods, stray cats are always a suitable alternative.

Before leaving your house, don't forget to give yourself a makeover. This goes for everyone. Makeovers can be fun, but not everyone has an abundance of makeup lying around, myself included. Last Thursday I made myself some lipstick out of crayons. It involved the math of measuring, and the science of boiling water. If you are more of an arts person, that's OK too; simply draw on your face with magic marker. Markers allow for more abstract lines, detail and creativity. Make people guess at what you are going for. Challenge them with archetypal imagery, on your face. As long as you are putting those long forgotten school supplies to use, you are doing it right.

By now, you are probably getting a little bit hungry. I like to be healthy, and stick to organic, wholesome foods. And there is no way to get yourself natural fats quite like eating a whole stick of butter to give you the warm soft feelings inside that will remind you of a hibernating bear, which in fact, you are slowly evolving into.

While you eat, I would recommend putting on some music. Might I suggest the Little Orphan Annie soundtrack? The sun will come out tomorrow, and that is only a day away, but it will not necessarily melt the snow. It's a hard knock life, because you are really enjoying these snow days, but deep down you know that eventually they will end. Maybe. (Maybe not.)

My guess is that some of you still haven't done your homework that was due today, the snow day, that you should have been doing last night, but didn't because of the anticipated snow day. Despite what the adults and responsible friends in your life may try to tell you, now is not the time. Today is a snow day, and must be honored as such. Homework can always wait for the ride to school.

In case none of these options sound like something you could see yourself doing, I would like to remind you that you are probably not a psychic or a time traveler, and therefore, how would you possibly be able to see yourself doing them if you haven't already done them?