A Joke Writer Tackles NFL Free Agency

I love jokes and I love the NFL. Welcome back boys, you've been missed! Let's get to it.

Chad Ochocinco has landed in New England. He said he'll "blend in and do it the Patriot way." Then he grabbed a camera and went to the Jets practice.

They asked Belichick if he follows Chad on Twitter. He said: "I don't do Twitter or MyFace or any of that stuff." What are you, my Greek aunt?

TE Anthony Hernandez had number 85 and he gave it to Chad for free. I imagine if he wanted to, Anthony could get quite a price for it. When your name is Ochocinco, you can't be running around in an Ochoquatro jersey.

Now Chad says he wants to live with a fan. Don't we all? I think most of us live with someone who TOLERATES us. At this point I'd settle for living with someone who doesn't boo me.

Matt Hasselbeck moved to Tennessee. Now if we can just move ELIZABETH Hasselbeck. To Shark Week.

Tennessee's Chris Johnson is holding out for a big contract. He said on Twitter: "Imma just leave it in god hands." OK, so he's not a poet.

Brett Favre rumors are back. This time about possibly heading to Miami. If it happens, he'll be the first old person in history to move to Florida and NOT retire.

Reggie Bush signed in Miami for two years at $10 million. Just what south beach needs -- more expensive Bush.

He had to give back the Heisman. I don't think they had to get so tough on him about that. They could let him keep it and wait for him to fumble it away.

Miami also has Brandon Marshall who was stabbed in the stomach by his wife. Brandon, you're a professional WR -- you have to catch with your HANDS.

You can't outrun your wife? What are you going to do with NFL cornerbacks?

Marshall just revealed that he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Teammate Ricky Williams suggested he get treatment. If Ricky Williams thinks you have issues, you have GOT ISSUES.

Some of the Steelers just filmed some stuff for an upcoming Batman movie. In one scene, Big Ben wasn't supposed to, but he forced his way into the Bat Cave.

The Philadelphia Eagles were already great. Then they added Nnamdi Asomugha, Vince Young, Ronnie Brown, and Steve Smith. This joke's for the grown ups: The Eagles are so stacked, Benny Hill is chasing them around.

Plaxico Burress is back in New York. The same city he was in before jail. So he doesn't have to learn any news firearms laws.

The Jets released troubled Braylon Edwards now that they have signed Plaxico Burress. So they dumped the guy who shoots himself in the FOOT, and got the guy who shot himself in the THIGH.

Costaki is a comedian and writer. Check him out at www.costaki.com