Dear Nadine,
My sweet and powerful daughter. I know you are at kindergarten and enjoying your day. You are having fun and learning so much knowledge and creative thinking skills. Your excitement to learn is so contagious and joyous. I want you to know that while you see the world in such a great light with so many opportunities there is a dark side. I don't know how to talk to you about this or when, but it's important. I think you need to hear this from me, your loving father.
You will continue to grow into a wonderful and beautiful person. Your brothers help make you strong. They respectfully encourage you and support you, while at times wrestling you to the ground. You live in a home where you are incredibly valued and loved. When you speak, we do our best to listen. We try to really listen and let you speak without interruption, even when your brothers are excited and want to share, we try to allow you all to equally take your time to say what is important to you. This is a conscience decision your mother and I make to ensure you know that you are valued and respected.
Your mother works hard. Sometimes her work is made more challenging because other people, without even recognizing it, don't treat her the same as they do men. They may interrupt her, speak over her, dismiss her ideas, or even exclude her altogether. Your mom is strong, so strong you may never be aware that she has these struggles. For her it's just part of her life, she may shrug it off as simply, "it is what it is." I admire her strength and dedication. Hearing her struggles make me angry, mostly because there is little I can do except to teach and practice respect.
While your mother has these struggles, her work is respected. She has a number of supporters and cheerleaders. She persists and she achieves. She learned along time ago not to live with fear of the unfair, but to push through with such amazing determination. The work she does is not for her own legacy but for the good of our community. Your mother won't talk about this because she is humble. You have her strength and conviction, I hope it continues to be nurtured.
The news of recent has been troubling. You are not aware of it, because we do what parents need to, protect you from the things that remove the innocence of youth much too soon. There are stories of other woman, who have to overcome men not respecting them as valued people but rather seeing them as objects that they can do with what they want. I do not, in this note, want to go into more details. In due time though, when you are old enough we will have an uncomfortable conversation about this. I am sorry that we will need to have that conversation, because we should all feel safe and respected in our homes, at our jobs, and in our community.
My hope is that when you are older things will change. That you will not need to work harder to prove yourself than a man. That you will get the same pay for the same job as a man. That you will not demand respect or need to work harder for it, that it will be given to you because of the value you bring. That others will listen and hear your wisdom. I hope you will not have to shrug and brush it off, but rather that you will be able to do more. Can you imagine how much more mom could accomplish for our community if she didn't have to strategically plan how to be heard? Can you imagine how much more energy she would have at the end of the day if she didn't have to work so much harder?
I want a better world for you. I will do my part to fight for it.
I also know, I need to learn how and what to fight for. I am hopeful that these uncomfortable conversations will also be learning moments for me. I want to know what part I can play, as your dad and as a man. I promise I will be open minded about your experiences, I will never brush them off.
I also know, I have been guilty. I will not make excuses, I will learn from my failures of not treating everyone with the same respect. I will become a better man for your mother, for you, and for my future granddaughters.
When you get home today, I will enjoy watching you play football with your brothers and will smile when they cannot catch you running for a touchdown. At the age of five, you amaze me. I so am proud of you and the future you.
Love, Your father.