I call you my babies now, and with each day you grow a little older; you will always be my babies. I know that I can get extra sentimental and emotional at times, but I want to tell you why. I want to tell you how it special it feels to be your mama; how special motherhood is and what a blessing it is to experience having you as my babies.
I am overwhelmed with emotions to be your mommy.
Someday in life you will understand emotions. Someday you will be right here where I am, and you will probably be 10 times the mommy I am to you. Because as a mother: I worry. I cry. I laugh. I remember. I pray. I wonder. I smile. I love you more than you'll ever know.
I worry that I don't measure up to the mommy you need me to be. I worry that I didn't take enough time today to tell you just how much I love you and kiss your sweet little head; to help you understand that beauty comes from within us and isn't just the way we look. I worry that I spent too much time cleaning up the Play-Doh instead of making the mess with the Play-Doh. I worry that I didn't discipline you correctly in the moment that you crossed the line. I worry that sometimes I cross the line.
I cry when I think about all that we've been through together. I cry when I remember them placing you on my chest in the delivery room. I cry when I think about the heartache you will have in life that I can't mend. I cry when I kiss you because I'm overwhelmed with love, and I cry writing this letter because I know that one day you will understand all of this as a mommy, too. I cry when I've had a hard day, but please know that I never cry because of you. You make me so happy!
I laugh at the things you say and the way you play together in your kitchen. I laugh at some of the things I might say to you (like no, honey, Chick-fil-A playground is closed today...) because it is easier in that moment to drive-through. I laugh at myself when this whole motherhood thing gets hard, because you can't get out of life without laughing at yourself. I laugh because you two make me the happiest I've ever been!
I remember every moment, some too vividly. I remember the times where I didn't think we would make it and I remember the times where I didn't want them to end. I remember the feelings and the emotions and I hope someday you get to experience them too. I remember the first time I had to spank you (and how I cried too) and I remember the times that I wanted to wake you up from sleeping just so I could hold you longer. I remember the sleepless nights but treasure the time that we had together when no one else was awake. I remember thinking I couldn't make it through the sleepless nights phase...and now that we're out of it, I miss you. I want to remember every single little thing. I pray I remember every moment.
I pray for you hourly. I pray God gives you grace, humility, a giving heart and wisdom. I pray for your husbands. I pray for your future friends. I pray for you to grow and know Jesus like I do and walk with His Will. I pray that you love unconditionally. I pray that you will stay healthy and safe. I pray so so so many things for you, but most of all: I pray God's Will in your life. I pray that you always know what that is and have the Holy Spirit in your heart to understand it. I also pray that your daddy and I live long enough to see you be mommies yourselves. Even grand mommies. I pray that you know my biggest blessing and reward in life is YOU.
I wonder what life will be like when you read this for yourself. I wonder what you will want to be when you grow up? I wonder what you'll want to be tomorrow. I wonder about who you will become and what kind of mountains you will move. I know God has already planned your life, but I wonder if you will love being a mommy as much as I do? I wonder if you will even want to be a mom. With all of the wonder, I know whatever you are; you'll be a good one.
I smile because of you. I smile when I think of you and when I talk about you. I smile when I play with you and when I see your pictures of little stick families drawn in my day planner (and walls and furniture). I smile knowing that I am doing ONE thing right in being your mommy and I PRAY that I can be everything you need me to be aside from the worry, the tears, the laughter and the fears.
Please know that no matter what can happen in your sweet little lives, that your mom will love you more than the ends of the earth.
And someday, you'll understand that love; because you'll be mothers, too.