Dear Michelle 1.0,
I know you are living in hell. I know. A constant state of panic and worry induced by nothing but your own fears -- a thin veil of unhappiness and doubt separating you from the beauty of life.
I know that you won't be able to leave the house today if you aren't feeling comfortable in your skin, separating you from the beauty of life.
I know that you feel worthless. Empty. Incapable of love, success, or happiness. I know how much it hurts, separating you from the beauty of life.
I know you want to move past all of this and find what seems to come so naturally to everyone else:
The happiness. The success. The love.
I know how bad you want it.
But you need to start believing you deserve it. You need to stop hating yourself, putting yourself down, thinking you are less than worthy.
You need to stop, now.
You see, one day, something is going to change. I can't exactly explain what it is, but it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks. It's going to hit you so hard, knock you down, spin you around -- and make you realize that everything you spent your life stressing over, all of the negativity you filled yourself with, all of the pain -- it was all for good reason, and it can be put to rest now.
And you'll be stronger. So much stronger than you could ever put into words. But strong enough to leave behind the pain of the past and take on the future as if you had never doubted yourself.
As if you had believed in yourself all along.
The change will happen overnight. It will happen when you least expect it. You will not be prepared for it, and many of the people who your currently surround yourself will not be able to handle it.
You'll finally be growing wings, my dear, but not everyone will want to see you fly.
But you'll fly anyway. Fly far, fly fast, fly hard. And don't look back. You're not going that way.
Start appreciating the little things. You are no longer separated from the beauty of life. You'll realize that the beauty was within you all along - and you honor that now. Appreciate the way the air feels when the seasons change. The way the sun looks when it sets in your backyard- pink, and orange, and fierce. The way things always have a way of working out.
Because they do, they always do.
But most of all, appreciate yourself. Appreciate that you made it to where you are today, pain and all, flaws and all, mistakes and all. It was all part of the plan. And you did it.
You survived.
Say thank you as often as you can - thank your lucky stars for the bad days. Thank your lucky stars for the heartbreak, the setbacks, the times when you thought you couldn't take anymore.
It's all going to make your future that much better.
And don't worry - no matter what happens from here on out, you'll never go back to those dark days. You're different now. You won't allow the bad people in your life. You won't accept the anger. You have no room for negativity.
You are finally you. Reborn, new, empowered, and amazing.
And all that changed, was that you finally began honoring yourself, your needs, and accepting yourself for who you are rather than who you are not.
And you're going to make yourself so, so proud of you. Happy Birthday!
Keep Going,
Michelle 2.0