All too often, women are in a hurry. We want to hurry up and find THE GUY, get married, have babies, buy a house, etc. We don't enjoy the seasons of life we are in. I am taking this time to reflect on my single days in writing a letter to my single self. I want to remind her of a few things.
Hey girl (said like Ryan Gosling),
So it's a Monday night, you have your wine, Twitter is open and you are live-tweeting The Bachelor thinking to yourself, "Where is my rose?" Let me tell you, Neely, once you are married, these Bachelor nights will not look much different. Only instead of wine, you'll be eating dinner with your husband, still live-tweeting.
Anyway, Single Neely, enjoy this time. Not because it's better than marriage -- trust me, marriage is better. But enjoy it because you should be appreciating time with yourself and learning who you are. Go out with your friends more. Do all the happy hours, drink all the wines, and flirt with the cute waiter. Why? Because WHY NOT?!
When that guy ghosts you after three great dates, it stings. You think, What did I do wrong? Trust me -- it's him. He has issues that he will feel the need to share with you three years later. Sigh. Men.
When you and He Who Shall Not Be Named go back and forth, up and down, and hot and cold, like a Katy Perry song, just shake your head, nod and smile and know that "This too shall pass." You'll end it when you've REALLY had enough, and thank God you did.
The thing about staying in bad relationships is timing. Had you ended it earlier, you would have possibly met someone else and not met Andrew. Timing is everything. You need to remember that when you lie in bed at night and wonder why -- when you cry yourself to sleep or sit at the coffee shop with your best friend who tries to tell you to just hold on, he's out there.
Remember your favorite episode of How I Met Your Mother, "As Fast As She Can." Remember what Stella says to Ted: "I know that you are tired of waiting, and you may have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can." That quote is so true. Replay it over and over and over. Just sub in "she" for "he" and "Ted" for "Neely." You get it!
In the meantime... Drink that third glass of wine on a Thursday. Go on those blind dates, online dates, random dates with guys you meet in bars. Take as much selfish time for yourself as you can. Stay home on a Saturday night watching chick flicks, and go get a mani/pedi with your girls. Fill up your DVR with all the reality TV, Shonda Rhimes shows, and ID Channel stuff you want. Eat tacos three days in a row because WHO CARES? Don't shave your legs for a week because no one will notice. Girl, you are single; one day you will look back, and even though you are beyond happily married, you will remember the boozy brunches, marathon shopping sessions, random road trips, and late nights spent on the phone with your best friend talking about nothing.
Now, your husband comes first. You think of his needs, his wants, his TV shows (mostly yours still), the foods he wants to eat, and what you two will do together every weekend. It's wonderful and magical and you wouldn't trade it for the world. But don't be in such a hurry to let go of your single self too soon.
Like I said, timing is everything. That Katy-Perry-song of an ex-boyfriend will fade away, those boozy brunches will become less appealing, and one day soon, you will go on your last first date.
Be selfish now. You have to.
But remember, your husband is one hell of a guy, and all the single/alone/selfish time in the world doesn't add up to a second of laugh-till-it-hurts time with him. Still, enjoy it while you have it. It's a season of life just like everything else.
Live it up, Single Neely!