My data analytics consultant informs me that I am not trending, especially among millennials. She suggests I publish lists since millennials click on lists. Being data-driven, I am test-blogging potential lists. Through a new app, I will record and analyze your galvanic skin response to each list below:
•Seven irrefutable proofs that the earth was created four centuries after the Sumerians invented glue
•205 State Department employees that are known to the Secretary of State as being members of the Communist Party
•Ten amazing, new household uses for saliva
•412 quotations from Michel Foucault, that no one, neither Jacques Derrida, nor Susan Sontag, nor Michel Foucault himself nor Rick Perry understood
•Man (and woman) Bite Dog; 5 videos of Congressional leaders (Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi and Kevin McCarthy) biting labradoodles and bichon frises
•Seven videos of House Majority Whip Steve Scalise biting civil rights demonstrators
•The 12 top, don't-miss, tourist attractions in Ft. Wayne.
•52 happy birthday messages from the Galaxy Zork-El to Barack Obama, sent on every August 4 since 1962.
•10 auditors former general of Burkina Faso, including Dr. Bomo Ngoro, all of whom, before death of unspeakable gore, placed $88,766,000 in an unclaimed account, of which you are offered a 50 percentinterest.
•15 incredibly famous celebrities that you have never heard of
•1 thing you can do with a doorknob
•5 dweebs that Hillary Clinton dated in her sophomore and junior years at Wellesley.
•5 state capitols that do not exist (hint, think Vermont, the Dakotas and the deep South)
•10 amazing facts you did not know about Lithuania
•10 amazing facts Lithuania does not know about itself
•12 sure-fire, scientifically proven, self-descriptions to get a date tonight on the dating websites "iHookup" and "BungaBunga"
•5 sure-fire, scientifically proven, self-descriptions to avoid a date tonight on the dating websites "Virginity Pledge" and "Shiites Mingle."
If you know some, please forward the above to millennials and ascertain their preference. After a data driven consultation with my data analytics consultant I will compile a list that will trend and maybe go viral.
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