As we all know, the battle between our mind and heart is the most challenging in life. It creates all sorts of conflicts in our business, personal, and intimate relationships. Fortunately, this is exactly what Alain Torres, founder of Power Couples Project, is dedicated to helping leaders move beyond - the power struggle. He has committed his life to empowering singles and couples to embrace the growth that comes through their relationships. Actually, he may have already proven this transformation is possible through his remarkable journey with his wife, Xochitl, and in guiding his world-renowned celebrity, coaches, and business hotshot clients.
So, let’s begin with their story … the tale I’m about to share is a snapshot in the reality of what today’s intimate relationships truly look like. This isn’t Hollywood, Bollywood or make believe, this is reality. And it might just be a modern definition of true love.
Sparks flew like incense and the Kama Sutra when he met his wife in downward dog during a yoga class. But their true test of love didn’t come until about a year later when they found themselves sitting on opposite sides of the couch with their shrink. Strange as it sounds, but the shrink couldn’t contain or fully understand their dynamic tension. To put it poetically, you can’t saddle a wild horse without going for the ride first! The truth is, over time, their love had ebbed and flowed in so many ways that even they questioned their own identity themselves. To illustrate just how wild and paradoxical it was ... they even went to see traditional therapists, hypnotists, hypnotherapists, and the not so traditional, palm readers, astrologists, and even shamans. Alain even tossed his wife’s 2nd engagement ring off the proverbial cliff and over the ocean. Though, in my opinion, it’s better than tossing himself off the cliff.
Ouch! They were done … done. Or so they thought...
“At such moments in time, we wondered if we would ever make it through to the other side of the mess and to become the ultimate team we’d always envisioned. After so much up and down, there was serious doubt that we might ever overcome the emotional-roller coaster of our shared journey.”
In either case, Alain and Xochitl separated for months thereafter. Nary a phone call or a whisper. Xochitl went to Venus and Alain went to Mars. Well, actually, he went to his old parents’ house ... crying through a case of Costco tissues, suicidal thoughts and more than we’ll ever know about the struggle to make his relationship work.
“I gave it everything I could … I was beyond patient. I was beyond my comfort zone. I was beyond my everything I had ever known in being unconditional and forgiving ... and yet, I was still going crazy and depressed over this loss of love. No amount of money or fame in the universe could make a difference since I had lost the woman of my dreams.”
Then one day, after struggling months in the proverbial darkness, Alain had some light come through the shades of the window in his room. It was an illumination from beyond; a realization that his life wasn’t over and there was work yet to do … he had a reason for living! Over time, he started to reluctantly date again. But there was still an iron-clad wall around his heart, in constant opposition with what he knew he wanted in life.
And after one date with one woman, he realized that she was almost exactly like his ex! Same feeling, same energy; different name! It might as well have been the same yoga class where they first met for God’s sake ... still, at that moment, on that very date, he also realized something that takes many of us our whole lives (or many lives) to realize: love is all about ourselves and not the supposed other person! In other words, “I’m the one who’s attracting love, the one who is feeling the feelings, the who is struggling to find the right perspective … it’s all about me!” Or, as Homer Simpson might say: “Doh!”
Serendipitously, and this is another story in itself, he and Xochitl got back together again. On a trip to Kauai, another engagement pitch was given and thrown out. It took her saying “No” to fully realize that true love takes work and a commitment to one’s self before walking together, until death do us part. This was the final revelation in committing to self love as a means for happiness in relationship. The long of the story is that it took 5 engagement rings over the course of their 7 year courting process. They’ve since celebrated their union with 3 destination wedding ceremonies that honored all aspects of their families' traditions in a way that also honored their spiritual journey as well.
When we think of love, we often think that of two halves coming together to make a whole. In fact, it’s about two whole people coming together to create infinity! We all want someone to make us feel that the other person is our everything. But for true love to come true, we must take responsibility and love ourselves first. Can you imagine a world where every couple discovers the openness in their heart and mutual empowerment takes the world over … be it the world leader who nearly lost his $500 million dollar company due to being emotionally-distressed over his relationship or the father who transformed his relationship with his daughter by way of self-forgiveness ... these transformations really matter in today’s love-lost world. This is the love story of Alain and Xochitl Torres. Might this be your triumphant love story too?
Learn more about this life-changing work @ www.powercouplesproject.com