A Modest Proposal For Irish Queers


Now is the time to step up and maximize your economic potential in the name of the greater national good.

Last spring, a popular referendum endowed each of you with the secular right (rite?) of marital union.

Yesterday, the splotchy star at the centre of the British empire -- England -- had a referendum of its own. The gravity of the situation is such that England may one day become an economic black hole. Currently it is on its way to becoming a white dwarf fuelled by photons of hate.

How are these two votes, in two separate nations, connected? Through YOU. Last year, when you acquired an inalienable civil right, you also got an economic bonus. You not only received the right to get married, you received the right to get married for money.

Come to think of it, all of Ireland's unmarried people should start thinking of themselves as owners of a marriage "slot". Which, by extension, they have the right to sell.

Quickly now, before they change the immigration laws, advertise your marriage slot in the British papers. Or even better: social media. Start a blog listing your assets for terrified Brits in search of a home in the EU.

The market will have to decide how much Irish citizenship, and a mandatory spouse, will cost.

A few pointers to keep things manageable:

--Use one of the many humanist celebrants available for totally secular weddings in Ireland since 2013.
--It's a small place. Don't let spouses bring a lot of stuff with them.
--Support organic Irish farming. Only buy Irish food.
--work collectively to build inexpensive housing in the Celtic Tiger's ruins
--Ireland has a lot of white people already. They may not need any more. Just saying.