I know that this is not ideal. I know that in a perfect world all parents would be able to care for their children. That things like addiction, poverty and death would never hinder one’s ability to care for their child.
And in some ways I am sorry that this has not been your story. In some ways I am sorry that you had to go through the process of being placed in a new family, new environment, new life. I am sorry for the transition. And the change. And the insecurities it brings. I am sorry you question things about who you are, and even at times your value and worth. I am sorry you wonder if you really fit, are truly loved. I’m sorry there aren’t always easy answers and you question whether you are wanted.
In many ways I am Just. Plain. Sorry.
And I can see the pain in your eyes when these things come up. Like when you ask me if I can see some blonde in your brown hair like your other mommy has, trying to find commonalities with her, a connection. I see the struggle. And I wish I could take it away. Even if it meant that your other parents would have been able to care for you forever. Even if it meant that you would not be here with me. I would want what would have been easiest for you.
I love you so much.
But there are also some things that I am not sorry about. I am not sorry that you are here now. I am not sorry that you are my child. I am not, ever, sorry that you came.
Because the truth is: You belong here, too. You are loved here, too. You have been and will always be wanted.
And although the beginning of your story may be rocky and you may always have questions, moving forward can be different. And I want you to know it’s significant to me that you understand how much I appreciate your birth parents. I can see how important it is for you to have a connection with them and that makes it important to me.
I know they will always be a part of you and I am glad for that, because I would never want you to deny who you are.
You are them.
And you are us.
Together, that is what makes you, you.
And to me, that makes you perfect.