An Open Letter to My Ex-Friend

Pen and pages of notebook forming heart-shape
Pen and pages of notebook forming heart-shape

My Dear Ex-Friend,

This is likely a letter that you have never in a million years expected to see. We haven't been friends in so many years that you probably thought I had never thought about you anymore. Clearly, based on the fact that I'm even writing this letter, that's not true -- with you or any of my ex-friends, ex-boyfriends or even past "enemies". In our relationships, we all leave marks on one another. Whether they are good or bad, we still remember those marks to some degree either consciously or unconsciously.

As for the two of us, it seems that we left plenty of bad marks on each other during the few years that we were friends back during our school days. Competitive. Critical. Putting each other down. Calling each other names. Whenever we were together there always seemed to be this flavor of always wanting to "one up" the other for some reason. It was like the movie Mean Girls in real life. There wasn't a whole lot of support going on in our "friendship," unfortunately.

After a few years, I decided I was going to save myself all the stress and emotional upset and cut you off. We spoke for a few times after this. Though, ideally, I would've loved our visits to be enjoyable, they never really were. There was still this sense of "I have this better than you" in our interaction.

The last time I spoke with you was a few years ago. When I saw that competitive energy still lingering -- over 10 years later -- I told myself that I did not want to find myself caught up in these types of interactions with you ever again. So when I saw you a few months ago in a store that I was planning on going into, I purposefully avoided. We had caused one another enough distress during our friendship. To see each other and converse once again would only keep this almost kind of passive battle going. It's been long enough -- it had to be extinguished.

Now just a few days ago, I came across a Facebook post that spoke about you through a mutual friend of ours. This post was written by your current husband, where he expressed his immense love, appreciation, respect, and admiration for you. As I read this post, my heart warmed and I smiled. I want to let you know, without any slightest sense of jealousy or a need to force myself to say this, that I am so incredibly happy for you. I am overjoyed that you have found someone who loves you and that your dream of having a family have come true. I am so happy that you are in a relationship filled with so much love and that you the two of you are able to share that with your children and potential future children.

Even though we are no longer friends or speaking to each other, it brings me a sense of peace to know that you are in a good place in your life. Some people come into our lives to love and support us for a long time. Others are meant to only stay a short while, touch our hearts and then leave. Others are meant to teach us what we don't want in our lives so that we can then be open for better things to come along. Even though you were one that I was meant to let go of, please know that I do care and wish you the best in life -- and I always will.

Much love,

Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and teacher and the founder of She helps women worldwide create fulfilling relationships with both themselves and others so they can live happy and joyful lives. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.

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