Hello everyone! Because it's Monday, I'd like to refer to a little bit of history - namely the famous quote by a famous Democrat, Franklin Delano Roosevelt:
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
It's a great quote, but it goes on from there: "Nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat and advance."
That preamble is a powerful statement - one I still live by every day. And also at night as well, when I'm at the park walking my Portuguese Water Dog, Mr. Chuffles.
Mr. Chuffles loves midnight walks in the park! Oh the trouble we get into!
But I digress.
See, I only bring up the FDR quote because lately, I have been really fearful of posting at the Huffpo.
What was I scared of? Well, lots of things. It seems that the current incarnation of the Democratic Party -- now caught up in a Moveon.org/HuffPo trance - has quickly become a sum of its countless fears. The party that once resisted fear has now become one that champions it in every strange and shadowy shape.
If the country and perhaps the geopolitical balance weren't at stake, it would be funny. Actually, even with those in peril, it's still funny. Very, very funny. I am fearful that it may be the funniest thing ever. Almost as funny David Mamet's napkin art. Or Rebecca Pidgeon's downloads. Remember those?
You say that the Republicans are fear mongers, what with their inconvenient reminders that terrorism is rampant in the world. But it seems to me that the real fear mongers are on the left, as amply demonstrated here with this list I made after reading a week's worth of Huffposts, all while sitting in my underwear under a sun lamp:
THE HUFFPO LIST OF THINGS TO BE FEARFUL OF!
Fear of a loss of individual liberty in response to the war on terror.
Fear that the paranoia over terrorism will erode everything this country was founded on.
Fear that liberals haven't degraded the education system enough so most people still know that Abraham Lincoln and FDR suspended many liberties to deal with similar crises
Fear of Mel Gibson
Fear that your angry denunciations of Mel Gibson will not detract attention from the rampant anti-semitism found at the Huffington Post.
Fear that Ari Emmanuel's "brave" attack on Mel Gibson said more about Emmanuel's opportunism than any sincere belief.
Fear that Emmanuel's client Michael Moore might be a bigger anti-Semite than Gibson.
Fear of George Bu$H
Fear that Bu$h is to blame for everything
Fear that Bu$h isn't to blame for everything
Fear that if you continue to blame everything on Bu$h, you won't actually figure out who really is to blame for your problems
Fear that your spelling of Bu$h reflects your intellectual prowess, in a nutshell.
And for that, you still blame Bu$h
And your parent$
Fear of Walmart
Fear of people who shop at Walmart
Fear that you might actually save money if you shopped at Walmart
Fear that Walmart has done more to help the poor than any social program ever created by our government.
Fear of all forms of energy except for the ones that don't work
Fear that people will realize the easiest way to cut back on greenhouse gases is to convert to nuclear energy
Fear that your activism will be exposed as a front for your narcissism
Fear that low taxes actually do create prosperous societies
Fear that people will find out what a hypocrite you are because you call for higher taxes while using tax shelters
Fear of mean people
Fear of judgmental people
Fear of appearing narrow-minded
Fear of intolerance
Fear that with your tirades against SUVs, Wal-Mart, meat, cigarettes, guns, whisky, and organized religion, you are the judgmental, intolerant one.
Fear of 3d ultrasounds that show fetal development
Fear that your children won't carry on your failed politics as religion/lifestyle
fear of being judged in the afterlife
fear of being judged in this life
fear of that dark facial freckle
Fear that your new age health practices won't be able to save you from that dark facial freckle
Fear of writers asking for fair compensation given there are ads sold by barry diller on the pages.
Fear that people will notice the contradiction between pushing for higher minimum wages and not paying the writers on your website.
Fear of not being invited to arianna/denton blog loft parties.
Fear of all country singers except for the ones that hate Bush
Fear that Deepak is laughing all the way to the bank
Fear that the exposure that you're being for the 'common man' is a joke considering you go to the only clubs and bars roped off to keep those people out.
Fear that when they take away your anger there will be nothing left.
Fear of free speech when it mocks your beliefs.
Fear of free speech when it speaks back to you.
Fear of free speech when it comes from Christians.
Fear of free speech when it comes from me.
Fear that your definition of free speech - that only you get to be heard-- won't fly with us Wal-mart shoppers.
fear of a police state unless of course it actually is a police state, like, Venezuela
Fear of Hugo Chavez dying
Fear of Castro Dying
Fear of Communism dying
Fear of Israel and their determined desire to blow up terrorists
No fear of Hezbollah and their pleasure in blowing up citizens
Fear of black Republicans
Fear that one day blacks will figure out you're the racist for always treating them like helpless victims instead of responsible individuals.
Fear that your comments are default responses to people who already agree with you
Fear that maybe shame is a good thing
Fear of rightwing "Repuglicans"
Fear of "crackpot Christians"
Fear that these fears do not measure up to the more legitimate fear of crackpot Islamists who blow you up in order to sleep with 72 virgins who are most likely lousy in bed anyway.
Fear of losing the next election
Fear that you'll have to put your support behind a candidate who was already exposed and rejected by the American public.
Fear that it might be Gary Hart.
And he still won't trim his eyebrows
Fear of Big Brother
Fear of group think
Fear that your lockstep obedience to progressive boilerplate is a purer example of subservience than anything you'd ever find in "Repuglican" circles
Fear that people will realize that a record of no terror attacks on the U.S. in five years, and liberating 55 million people in two Muslim nations, is not so bad.
Fear of having to come up with a new dehumanization campaign for the next Republican president.
Fear of not having to come up with dehumanization campaigns for radical islamists, kim jong II, the iranian mullahs and the EU and Russian oligarchs who took oil bribes from Saddam to keep him in power.
Fear that Foucault is not holding up to scrutiny.
Fear that common sense is making a comeback.
Fear that all those colonics did absolutely nothing for you.
Fear that grad school did even less.
Fear of the death penalty actually being a deterrent.
Fear that you'd experience more happiness from a Big Mac than from that bag of overpriced organic produce you bought at Knoll Organic Farms in Brentwood.
Fear of school vouchers
Fear that school vouchers will enable poor minority children to attend your children's private schools
Fear of a Marine knocking on your Prius's window to discuss your bumperstickers.
Fear that your own sense of rebellion is a farce and every opinion you have is safe and only voiced among those who agree with you
Fear of your conscience telling you even though you are supposed to like it, you really think NPR - especially its self serious whispering, wimpy bumper music and simpering anchors -- sucks.
Fear that the right to free speech is being curtailed.
Fear that when you bravely proclaim you're speaking "Truth to power," those who live in countries where the right to speak is truly curtailed are laughing bitterly at you.
Fear that your anti-Americanism is becoming even boring to you.
Fear that you hate the right for the same reason you hate your dad because you know that he is right and that you are a loser and you will always be a loser and that you are sabotaging your life and those of everyone around you because that makes you that angry.
Fear that everyone will notice that other than incessant complaining you haven't come up with a single solution.
Fear of never having a bad thing to say against the real tyrants of the world while having a rich vocabulary against a milquetoast GOP congressman from Georgia.
Fear of someone sitting you down and forcing you to deal with the fact that even if global warming was absolutely manmade and as bad as Gore says it is, that the threat of islamic terrorists getting WMDs and using them is far greater and imminent and requires offering at least moderate allegiance to the current president of the United States and to Tony Blair and Sen. Lieberman.
Fear of people snickering at you when you use the terms 'sustainable' and 'indigenous peoples'.
Fear of Nascar
Fear of Nasa
Fear of Nas (rapper)
Fear of NA (narcotics anonymous)
Fear of N (nitrogen)
Fear of nothingness
Fear that even if the democrats win the 08 election, Europeans will still look down on us and Muslims will still want to kill us.
Fear that capitalism actually works better than any other economic system
Fear that America really is the freest country in the world
Fear that going it alone when you think you're right is more moral than trying to build a coalition with dictators, thieves and cowards.
Fear that this post will be front-paged.
Fear that you'll feel compelled to write a list of my fears as a response to this blog
Fear that I'll want you to do exactly that, because it provides light entertainment for me, personally.
Fear that I love you for that. (it's true!) .
Fear that I have to run!
My soaps are on!