A Republican Open Letter to All the World's Leaders

Buoyed by the amazing success 47 U.S. Senators had with their Open Letter to Iran's leaders, Senator Ted Cruz writes one all by himself to all the world's leaders:

Hi Y'All,

It has come to my attention while observing your discussions and negotiations with Barack Hussein Obama that you may not fully understand who he is and, more important, who I am. Thus, I am writing to bring to y'alls attention two features of our (Republican) political system -- the power I have now to throw a wrench into the monkey works and the power I will have when elected president -- which y'all should seriously consider as you negotiate with Barack.

First, the fellow you are negotiating with, for various legitimacy and related reasons, no longer has the authority to negotiate for our country, a country we took back in November of last year. In addition, anything "negotiated" by him and not approved by me is not worth the piece of Barack Hussein Obama stationary it is written on.

Second, the man you're dealing with will leave office -- thank our God -- on January 20, 2017 (684 days and counting) and any faux-agreements he manages to make and which I and my colleagues in the Senate fail to sabotage now, I will render null and void on that very same day with the stroke of my brand-new presidential pen.

So you see, what these extra-constitutional realities mean is that any agreements between you and the man making nice with you and marking time on Pennsylvania Avenue are just a waste of your and my time.

I hope this enriches your knowledge of our Republican political system and promotes a mutual dislike and contempt for the man pretending to be our president.

Y'all take care now and come and see me soon in my new digs,

Ted Cruz, Senator of the Great State of Texas and next President of these United States

This article is political satire.