Bitch, be more badass than Wonder Woman. #lifegoals.
[Image source: Erika Wittlieb, CC0]
This is MY dating manifesto, hence "A Single Girl." Not to be confused with "The Single Girl's Dating Manifesto." I do not claim to represent heterosexual single girls everywhere.* As a matter of fact, I'd say we're a unique bunch, each with our own quirks, wants, needs, and priorities. You might say we're individuals, even. Imagine that: Individual women who cannot be lumped together and summarized neatly by a Top 10 list.
If you are a single girl who can identify with my own personal manifesto, by all means, share! Highlight! Comment! Tweet! Adopt it! Adapt it! Take what you like, drop what you don't, add your own parts along the way. We're all just a little bit lost sometimes, trying to figure out the rules of a game we may or may not even want to be playing in the first place.
The Rules
- Say yes if you mean yes. Say no if you mean no. Say what you mean. Do what you say.
- Go with your gut instinct. It's always right. Don't give the guy the benefit of the doubt; give it to your gut.
- Do not continue dating a person when you have no chemistry or physical attraction. If you do continue seeing a person under these circumstances, you must articulate clearly that you are only interested in a friendship, and nothing more.
- Don't feel bad for saying no. Ever. At any time. No is always OK.
- Don't settle for mediocre sex or mediocre kissing or mediocre passion of any kind. Passion only comes in one size, and that size is "intense."
- "I am a woman, I have the upper hand. I am a woman, I have the upper hand. I am a woman, I have the upper hand." Repeat this and don't forget it.
- Biology says: Men want to have sex, but women do the choosing. This is the power dynamic that gives you the upper hand. Don't forget this.
- He can pay for dinner if he wants, but this doesn't mean you owe him anything in return.
- You can pay for dinner if you want, but this doesn't mean he owes you anything in return.
- Beware of guys who use too many exclamation points in texts.
- Have all the sex in the world that you want -- however you want, wherever you want, with whomever you want. "Slut" is not a real word. Own your desires shamelessly.
- Spend the occasional night drinking wine and eating chocolate alone in your house, and enjoy the fuck out of it. Don't do it too often, though. Drag your ass out every once in a while. It's good for the brain.
- Remember this: Nobody else really knows what they're doing, either.
- Don't compare yourself to your high school friends. Don't compare yourself to your college friends. Don't compare yourself to coworkers. Don't compare yourself to anyone. You're doing just fine.
- Ask that guy out. Do it. Don't wait around for him to do it. The worst that can happen is he says no and then completely forgets about it. Just put it out there. Otherwise, you may never know.
- Don't social-media stalk. It will only drive you insane.
- You don't need to justify your actions to anyone. NO ONE AT ALL.
- Most guys are terrible communicators. The absolute worst. Whatever you think they're thinking, they're not. Whatever they are thinking is much, much simpler than what you think they're thinking. When in doubt, ask, but don't complain about the answer. Embrace honesty.
- Brutal honesty: Dole it out and take it. No bullshit. Who wants bullshit? Nobody. That's who.
- It's OK to break the rules. It's OK to make up the rules as you go along. It happens.
- Numbers 1 through 20 have mostly all referred to dating guys. Don't rule out dating women. They're sexy and complex and they double your dating prospects. New is interesting.
Finally, and I think this one is so important that I'm calling it out:
Prioritize your own wants and needs before all else. Friends and family come next, then probably career stuff. Dating comes last.
Be an individual first, and an awesome individual at that.
Self-preservation is essential.
My key to self-preservation: beach, bikini, book, booze.
[Image source: Maciej Serafinowicz]
*Yes. This presents the perspective of a heterosexual (mostly) female. Obviously, the LGBTQ (or whatever your identifier of choice is) perspective may vary.
This piece was originally published in Stella's Navigating the Sea of Singledom.
Written with thanks to The Writing Cooperative, specifically: @manfraiya, @traceypharoah, @justincox, and @CootiesReport.
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