Let’s face it, Google is a mom’s best friend. A long time ago, mothers used to gather together to give their best advice, wipe away each other’s salty, postpartum tears, and literally “carry the load” for one another. But the way society is now, mothers are often kept in daily isolation with only one reliable friend to turn to for the comforting (or not so comforting) answers they need: Google.
I often seriously wonder what moms of the past did without the black and white search box leading to answers ranging between: “Calm down. Everything’s fine!” to “You probably only have a couple of hours to live. Good luck!”
Since moms can relate to the intense need for Google and would most likely be wildly embarrassed if someone hacked their search results, let’s get real and talk about what moms are searching during the different phases of motherhood:
1. Is the epidural needle or natural labor worse?
Honestly, trying to weigh the pain of labor is a never-ending, anxiety-driven question. Moms frantically type in all of their questions about pain, reword and rephrase the question, and hope SOMETHING will pop up that says it’s really no big deal and everyone just exaggerates the physical suffering.
2. HOW DO I GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME?
Inducing labor is on the mind of ALL pregnant mamas in the last month. As long as the baby is safe, guaranteed they. will. try. anything!
3. When will the weight gain slow down?
The numbers on the scale just keep rising, and moms need to know when it will stop — or at least SLOW DOWN!
4. What’s a successful exit strategy when I pee in public?
Let’s be real. All bladder control is out the window when pregnant, and all moms need to be prepared! WANTED: Personal testimonials of effective exit procedures.
5. When do babies sleep through the night?
Around week one, all moms begin Googling this question. Then they mark their calendars according to how much longer until the “average” baby sleeps through the night. The wait drags on and the nights are longer than ever before.
6. How do I take a shower when I’m alone with the baby?
I have yet to figure this one out. If the baby is quiet while I’m showering, something’s wrong, if he’s screaming while I’m showering… something’s wrong. And there’s NEVER anything in between. I’m pretty sure Google searches just advise you to throw all hygiene out the window for the first couple years…
7. Will I ever stop worrying?
I’ll save moms the trouble and just say the answer is no. And that’s okay. It just means you care!
8. Will I ever sleep again?
This one’s a no, too.
9. How do I make my boobs stop leaking whenever I hear crying?
Whether it be another person’s baby in the same grocery store aisle or a friend who just had a terrible breakup, the crying can simply be too much, and a mother’s breasts will empathize in a way that causes her to sprint in the opposite direction!
10. How do I make my kid stop peeing on the floor?
Everyone thinks that a child will naturally transition from diaper to toilet. But there’s this thing in between where the child loses complete control, strips his/her diaper off, and sees everything as free game. Note: Hide anything with sentimental value!
11. What do I do when time-outs fail?
If a mother spanks, BAD! If she tries to reason with her children, they laugh in her face. And time outs are simply what moms WANT to work and not necessarily proven effective. Discipline is something that seemed enjoyed by our parents until reality hits and YOU’RE the parent. Then it’s time to enter the battlefield unprepared and vulnerable. Moms hope Google can give them the plan B, C, and D, they are looking for after timeouts fail!
12. How do I make mom friends?
When a woman becomes a mom, her list of friends becomes a short list. There are multiple dating site options, but what about a site that connects moms for playdates? I hope this is in the works.
13. How bad is feeding my kids junk food for dinner?
Moms often strive for a diet that’s organic and natural, but then reality sets in, and they realize that their kids aren’t in agreement with that decision. A child’s stubbornness opens the gate to a mentality that says: “Feed them whatever they want so that they will at least survive!”
14. Will my child ever learn to talk?
I’ve heard this asked time and time again, so I KNOW it’s been Googled just as much if not more. Moms worry about their child’s development and, if they stay home with the kids, moms wonder when they will have someone to converse with other than their inner dialogue.
15. Will my child ever STOP talking?
Then they start talking, and mothers can’t help but wonder if it will ever end. Let me tell you; it just gets worse. I’m an example of a child who has simply increased my chatter over time.
Many questions are collected in the first years of motherhood, and moms think eventually they will get this parenting thing down, but from what I’ve experienced, the questions only increase with time. Reaching out to our dear friend, Google, provides mothers a safe haven to ask their embarrassing, yet legitimate parenting questions, and with this convenience comes the comfort we all are searching for.
Tell us in the comments, what is the craziest thing you have Googled?
Originally published on Downs Ups & Teacups.