The Trump Inauguration Committee has released a list of the groups that are going to march in the inauguration parade, and it’s the usual mélange of high school marching bands, various first-responders, veterans, police motorcycles and a rodeo team or two. But what surprises me is that the NRA doesn’t have a presence in the parade, because you would think that given how much money America’s First Civil Rights Organization ponied up to promote the ‘build the wall’ campaign, they would have been asked to lead things off. But in case someone gets the bright idea to include the NRA in the parade, I’d like to propose a special honor guard whose members would represent the values, traditions and glorious history of Gun-nut Nation for parade onlookers to celebrate and see.
Honor Guard Member #1 – George Zimmerman. Who better exemplifies the virtues of the armed citizen, a value and ideal so important that the NRA has copyrighted the phrase? George might have ended up as the poster-boy for the upcoming campaign for a national concealed-carry law except he has a funny habit of using bars and other public venues to brag about the night he ended Trayvon Martin’s life.
Honor Guard Member #2 – Emily Miller. This crusading journalist used to speak at pro-gun rallies until she was reminded that her job was to report on events, not appear at them. She wrote a book about the difficulties she encountered when she tried to purchase a gun in Washington, D.C. The only problem is that the violent ‘home invasion’ which she claims to have suffered and prompted her to get a gun in fact never took place.
Honor Guard Member #3 – David Valle. This poor sap is a Florida resident who was cleaning his pistol when it accidentally discharged and a round hit his 4-year old daughter in the arm. She survived the injury but neighbors said that David purchased the pistol for self-protection after his home was invaded and one of the attackers shot off a gun. Now what’s all this talk by the NRA about always being safe with your guns?
Honor Guard Member #4 – Ammon Bundy. One of the sons of Cliven ‘let me tell you about your Negro’ Bundy, who led an armed ‘occupation’ of the Malheur Forest Range in Utah by a group of patriots protesting the federal government’s land management policies and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The affair finally ended when the FBI wouldn’t allow the hardy band of freedom fighters to receive their nightly delivery of pizza pies.
Honor Guard Member #5 – Jerry DeLemus. A proud veteran, Tea Party activist and co-chair for the New Hampshire State Trump Campaign, this ardent freedom fighter drove all the way from New Hampshire to help negotiate a ‘peaceful solution’ to the problem at the Malheur Range. He was later arrested for his role in the original Bundy insurrection; i.e., the 2014 brouhaha outside Cliven’s Nevada ranch. Ol’ Jerry ended up copping two felony pleas meaning he won’t be able to drive around the country any more with a bunch of guns in his truck in order to help defend 2nd-Amendment ‘rights.
So there you have it ― five of the most determined and dedicated pro-gun activists whose presence at the front of the inaugural parade would send an inspiring message about how the 45th president will unite the country and, at the same time, help spread the message of the NRA. Because what better way to show how much each and every one of us loves America than by going out and buying a gun?
Meanwhile, the Metropolitan Police have let it be known that they are willing and able to respond if anyone shows up toting a gun. You can’t bring a gun into DC and loony groups like Bikers for Trump, some of whose members carried guns at campaign rallies, will celebrate Trump’s inauguration in jail. But why not let one of those bikers at least kick off the parade?