As most of you know I stand for helping people get vulnerable and tell their truth so they can feel truly turned on by their life.
I don't know about you, but I like to see mentors of mine walk their talk.
Today, I'm getting more vulnerable than usual. Like the kind that is already making me squish my lips together and think, "Why am I doing this?" Picture me looking out into my empty kitchen and family room desperately hoping to hear an answer that is soothing.
No answer coming. It's just me and my vulnerability.
Gosh darn it.
Small interlude to grab a carton of ice cream... yep, that's just how vulnerability goes sometimes.
Okay, lets get to it.
I did a clearing exercise around money last night. Money is such a hot point for most people and as Preston makes this transition into coaching full time, I'm finding that I'm feeling anxious about money.
This transition means letting go of the security of a steady pay check and I find myself doubting if we can really make that change.
I'm sick of feeling worried. I want to be excited and believe this is possible for us.
Inspired by the work of Denise Duffield-Thomas, of Lucky Bitch (check her out, she has incredible advice for women around money), I made a list of all of the beliefs I need to clear out and forgive myself for thinking when it comes to money.
Absolutely everything that feels icky, and is limiting me, around money, I put down.
Not everything I've written even makes sense to the logical mind. When I go back and re-read the list, some things shock me, some things make me cringe, some things I'm ashamed to admit, some things I can let go of immediately.
The rule is, if you think it, write it.
I'm sharing these beliefs with you in the hopes that my honesty will help you make the "clearing out" list that you need to make right now, whether it's around money or another subject. Note: You can use this process for absolutely any topic such as love (general), your marriage (more specific), work, kids, working out, etc.
After you have written everything you can think of, walk away and then come back, read what you've written and say a forgiveness prayer.
You can let it all go and free up your energy for ideas that can make a difference in your life.
Here they are:
Debt makes me anxious.
Debt is bad.
I am bad for having debt.
I am bad for buying things and spending money I don't have in the checking account.
I am careless with money.
Transitioning means more pressure on me to perform in my business.
I don't value money.
I always feel like I never have quite enough.
I am a bit scared of being financially abundant or rich. I'm not sure if I want the responsibilities that come with it, such as a bigger business and being seen in the world for the message I stand for.
Having money means sharing my message on a broader scale which means I'm vulnerable.
I believe having money means having more responsibility.
I used to think having money meant having millions. I'm not sure that's true for me anymore and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Being debt free and making a comfortable income means I will have to be responsible and save because I won't have any more excuses. I'm not sure I want to save.
When I get money without having any debt, I just want to spend it because I can.
I'm a bit scared to cut up ALL of my credit cards.
I'm not sure I trust myself to keep one credit card, with a decent limit, for emergencies.
Business debt doesn't count.
When we decided not to make a trip to Texas this fall, I wanted to tell everyone all the details of how "responsible" we're being so they would understand and not judge me.
I think our phone bill should be less expensive and I feel helpless to change it.
Sometimes I feel irresponsible when I see how much friends have, with no debt that I know of, and compare myself. I always come up short.
I'm not sure I trust that we can really make this transition even though I want it badly.
I'm scared that if we are supporting ourselves from coaching alone, it means a change in my relationship with Preston. Maybe it won't be for the better. I'm scared working/being together might be too much.
What if we make the transition and it's just super stressful financially, always hustling for the next dollar? Will it be worth it?
Am I good enough to bring in more money?
I don't know if I have the motivation to bring in more money and that makes me feel ashamed, small, less than.
I worry about where money is coming from.
Abundance feels out of reach, like it's for another day.
There is always something else to pay for and it gets on my nerves.
I want a lot of money and I feel inadequate saying it.
I struggle to know the line between just going for it and thinking about it later, and being responsible.
I'm confused about what responsible means in terms of money.
I want to have more money than most people I know, in part, to feel better than them, to feel elite.
I take pride in telling people about my "bargain" shopping as they tour the house and then I think, why does that bring me so much delight? Why do I even have to mention it?
I want to let go of the words: broke, can't afford it, not in the budget, too expensive, one day.
I feel embarrassed about depositing my change jar in the bank. What will people think?
I feel people will judge me for manifesting money. They'll think I'm crazy and it's woo woo.
I like having a big diamond. It makes me feel important and special, sometimes better than you, and I'm inadequate about that.
What truths does my list inspire you to get on paper so you can free yourself of a whole loada burdens?
Share with us in the comments below.
And, if you want to start telling your truth on a deeper level, grabbing a spot at Soul Sessions: The Retreat might be just what you need. One day of 10 soulful women coming together, in a very intimate setting, to be seen in a way they never have before. Grab your ticket here. Tickets just went on sale and there's only 8 spots left.
With love and still some cringing,
Sarah xxx