That's how Edward Gorey took out one unlucky girl in his macabre alphabet poem, "The Gashlycrumb Tinies," in which he details the untimely deaths of 26 children, one letter at a time.
The alphabet is equally deadly in a new project being produced by Tim League and Ant Timpson, The ABCs of Death.
This anthology film will feature 26 tales of death and demise, directed by 26 directors from around the world, including Los Angeles Film Festival alum Ernesto Diaz Espinoza (Mirageman, Mandrill), Noburo Iguchi (Karate-Robo Zaborgar), Ti West (Trigger Man, The Innkeepers) and Ben Wheatley (Down Terrace).
A full list of the directors is available on the film's website, but if you count them up, you'll notice there's only 25 listed.
The 26th director is being determined through an online competition. Hopeful filmmakers, armed with just a few rules -- keep it four minutes or under, begin and end on a completely red screen -- are tasked with exploring the fatal implications of the letter "T." Entries so far include T is for Toddler, T is for Tentacle, T is for Terror and, of course, T is for Toilet.
So why "T?" New Zealand film programmers and archivists Timpson and League, who run the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin where the 2011 Fantastic Fest began on Thursday, explain.
Ant: To tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself of why we chose "T." Tim, do you remember?
Tim: Each director gave us their top three choices, and we tried to make as many directors as possible happy. "T" was one of the few choices that still had plenty of choices and directions that was left over.
Ant: There seemed to be an enormous amount of possibilities with that letter in terms of interesting words. The last thing we wanted was for people to overlap. I don't think there was any smart thinking behind it to be honest. Just felt kind of right.
Tim: Also, my name is Tim; Ant's last name is Timpson.
To read more about "The ABCs of Death," submit a film yourself or watch ones other people have submitted, visit 26th.theabcsofdeath.com.