Yesterday I came across a New York Times article titled, "Mom Hair: It Exists. Now What To Do About It."
If you don't have time to read the entire offensive and idiotic piece, allow me to give you the gist: apparently moms are cutting their hair after having a baby, and it makes them look bad.
Here's an excerpt:
Indeed, Mr. Maciques recommends that new mothers wait about a year before they make any drastic changes. "By then, you'll know what you've got," he said. "It's not just your hair that's changing. Your body is, too. You might not be at the weight you really want to be yet. And the truth is, long hair can be a little bit of a distraction. When you go short, you are more exposed. There's less, literally, to hide behind."
Let me get this straight. According to this MAN, women are supposed to maintain long hair after having a baby to serve as a "distraction" from their postpartum bodies?
Oh no he didn't.
Here's a thought. Hey new moms: wear your hair however the hell you want to. Your body carried a human being; it stretched and changed and transformed into an actual home for an actual child. You do not need to distract the world from that feat with mermaid hair or anything else.
You are a warrior.
You are beautiful.
The male hairstylist continues: "Ideally, you'd start planning while you're still pregnant," he said.
Because yes, when I am pregnant, and struggling with insomnia, heartburn, incessant peeing, back pain, leg pain, and the myriad of emotional and hormonal internal battles, let me assure you: I am totally thinking about my hair.
Oh wait. I'm not. Do you know what I'm thinking about when I'm pregnant? I'm wondering if my baby is okay in there. I'm thinking about childbirth, and how much it's going to hurt, and how my lady parts are going to be affected. I'm thinking about adding a child to our family, and what that means for my marriage and my career and my home and my heart and my soul. I'm thinking about breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And snacks. I'm thinking about sleep, and college funds, and baby toes, and the next eighteen years (and beyond) of holy work and sacrificial love I am going to pour into this child. I am thinking about how grateful I am for this baby, and how terrified I am, and how wonderfully hard this is all going to be.
Do you know what I'm not thinking about when I'm pregnant? Taking care of my hair once the baby comes.
Call me crazy, but when I get home from the hospital, I'm a little more concerned with taking care of the baby.
And while I'm taking care of that baby, and not sleeping, and adjusting to my new porn star sized boobs, I can assure you, male hair stylist, that if and when I feel like styling my hair/coloring my hair/cutting my hair, I am going to do what makes me feel good about myself. Because my pants still don't fit right, and my boobs are leaking, and I'm working on 4.5 hours of interrupted sleep -- so pardon me while I disregard your generalized opinions and choose a hairstyle that makes me feel confident.
New mommas, listen carefully: you do you. You cut your hair short, wear it long, tie it back, throw it up, straighten it, curl it, color it, highlight it, make dreadlocks, tease it up, slick it down, get bangs, cut layers, add extensions, wash it, don't wash it; I don't give a crap.
Your beauty and identity cannot, are not, and will never be defined by a stupid haircut.
And as for you, Mr. Maciques, I certainly hope male pattern baldness doesn't accost you later in life, lest you lose any self-worth along with your luscious locks.