Breakups really do suck. There's no getting around it. My biz is there to help people move on faster, so this week, I sat down with Breakup Coach Laura Yeates to get her spin on how to move on from a breakup. She came up with a list of ten thoughtful, practical and helpful tips to make moving on manageable. If you know someone going through a breakup, share this list with them. We all know how much support helps when times are tough.
1) Feel what you're feeling - because that's ok
Don't bury it down or ignore it. Believe me, it will come back up to bite you at some point! It's far healthier to just allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling and know that's ok. Accept that it will be tough for a period of time.
2) Have a support network
Even if it's just one or two people that you can turn to, do. Don't spend too long wallowing on your own, when you will likely go over and over everything in your head, which will only make you feel worse. After you've given yourself some space initially, you need to spend time around people who you trust and who can be a positive energy and influence around you.
3) Look after your physical health
The state of your physical health has a direct impact on your emotional health. If you feel healthy, this will make you look at things from a far more balanced perspective and you will cope better. This doesn't mean going on a radical health kick - just be mindful of what you are eating, getting some form of exercise every day and doing what you can to relax and sleep.
4) Have a period of no contact
To gain clarity and perspective of the reality of the situation you both need physical and emotional space. So really try your best to avoid texting, calling, emailing and Facebook messaging (or checking up on them on social media!). Believe me, keeping that contact in the early stages will only prolong the healing process.
Your living environment can really represent your mindset. This is a perfect opportunity to think about clearing out things in your home that you don't need or use and either disposing of or storing away items that signify your life with your partner. Make space for calming and positive new energy. This will also give you a distraction.
6) Bring the focus back to you
Break-ups can really make us face ourselves head on. The person we have gotten so attached or used to is no longer there and this can be incredibly scary and overwhelming. But it's the perfect opportunity to reconnect with who you are. What are your values, passions, interests, goals? Have you lost sight of any of these? It can also really help to write all of this down to get extra clarity.
7) Create new memories
Regardless of how bad you might be feeling, this marks a new chapter for you. Dwelling and ruminating on old memories associated with your ex for too long will only prolong the pain. Memories will have their place but right now, you need to focus on making new ones. Aim to go to new places, try new things, make plans, implement new daily routines. And things which enable you to have fun!
8) Set some goals
Think of 2 or 3 things that you really want to do. Maybe it's fitness orientated, a new job or a new skill you want to learn. Commit to taking the steps to making these happen. It's great if it's something that you have to work towards over a period of time to provide a positive and new distraction. Make it something for you. Something that will build your confidence.
9) Cope with feelings of rejection
After a break-up and particularly if we've been broken up with, our confidence can take a beating. We feel rejected and engage in this negative self talk that only ends in us making us feel worse and building it up to something unrealistic. To get perspective, firstly think about what you would say to a friend. Treat yourself with the same compassion. You could also try writing down the actual facts about the rejection you are feeling. Be really objective. And then move on. There probably will be some things in there that you need to work on, but you need to do this from a positive place with the aim to grow and attract better things to you as opposed to continually telling yourself you're not good enough.
Forgiveness isn't about being walked over or being taken advantage of. It's about clearing space to be able to move forwards. Allowing yourself to be eaten up by someone else's wrongdoing will only affect you in the long run. When you forgive, you release yourself.