This week, we watched as our social media feeds were flooded with “me, too” — countless women speaking up about being sexually assaulted or harassed. Although statistics tell us that one in five women have been raped, and almost half have experienced some form of sexual assault, we know that the numbers are likely much higher. In fact, it would be difficult to find a woman who has not been sexually assaulted or harassed at some point in her life. And now that all of our eyes have been opened to this epidemic, it’s time to do something about it. Here are a few good ways to start.
1. Understand why it happens. Rape has nothing to do with sex, and it’s time we stop confusing the two. Harassing or assaulting women is not caused by being a sex addict. And it definitely does not happen because men simply can’t control themselves. In fact, we know that most men have never and would never commit one of these crimes. It happens because some men believe they have a right to power over women, and over our bodies. That belief system needs to be recognized and challenged before these crimes will stop.
2. Believe victims. When someone has the courage to tell you she was harassed or assaulted, believe her. And recognize that any doubt you may have is about your own fear, not her credibility. It’s difficult to admit that these crimes can happen to anyone – because that means admitting that it can happen to us, and to those we love. But, as long as victims fear not being believed, perpetrators know they can commit these crimes with impunity. If we want to stop rapists, we have to start by believing victims.
3. Hold perpetrators accountable. A victim should never feel shame for being harassed or assaulted. Only the person committing the crime should feel ashamed of what they’ve done. Being vulnerable never justifies someone else choosing to commit a crime. You would want someone who broke into your home held accountable, regardless of how your home looked, what neighborhood you live in, or how ”vulnerable” you may have been to a robber. Shouldn’t we care (at least) as much about women as we do about our possessions?
4. Stop putting the responsibility on women and girls. For far too long, we’ve focused on teaching women and girls how to avoid being victims. But, the fact is that these so-called “rape prevention tips” are actually just victim blaming in advance. Yes, there are ways to reduce risk, but the only people who have control over whether someone is harassed or assaulted are those committing the crime, and the bystanders who choose whether or not to act.
5. Talk to the men in your life. Guys, I’m talking to you here. The responsibility of stopping men’s violence against women falls on you. I know most of you have never committed these crimes, and we’re thankful. But, have you taken the time to teach your sons, and other men in your life, about how to stop this? Start today by talking to your male friends and family members - and especially your sons - about healthy masculinity, respect, and consent.
6. Say something. Most of us have probably witnessed sexual harassment, probably on multiple occasions. When you see someone choosing to catcall, harass, make inappropriate jokes, or place someone else in fear, tell them to stop. Tell them they are offending you. If you don’t feel like you can do so safely, call the police and get help. Words can be very powerful, harmful, and can place someone in fear. Most rapists started by sexually harassing the victim, so it’s important we stop these crimes before they go any further.
7. Get help. If you have been sexually harassed or assaulted, you have a right to speak about it, and receive support. Many victims feel ashamed or afraid to reach out for counseling or advocacy, but getting help is one of the most courageous things you can do. What happened to you is not your fault, and you shouldn’t have to carry the burden. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is confidential, free, and available 24 hours a day at 800-656-HOPE. What happened to you matters, it was not your fault, and you deserve to heal.
8. Challenge your assumptions. Often, people don’t believe victims because the perpetrator didn’t seem like such a “great guy.” But, the problem is, that’s likely how he seemed to the victim, too – until he chose to harass or assault her. Most perpetrators are charming, and have full, productive lives. Challenge your assumptions about what a rapist looks like. Don’t assume that because someone is a nice guy, good at his job, a good soldier, or a good friend, that he wouldn’t commit sexual assault.
9. Speak with your wallet. We can all work to change the culture by holding businesses accountable, too. If you see a company advertising in a way that degrades women, or others, do not support them. If a company is being led by someone known for sexual harassment, or for supporting these behaviors or views, do not give them your money. You can tell a lot about someone by how they use their time and money. Use yours wisely.
10. Keep talking. The dialogue this week has been powerful, and it’s important that we keep these conversations going, long after the hashtags have disappeared. We can no longer say that we didn’t know this was happening. You’ve seen “me too” echoing throughout your news feed. You now know that most, if not all, of the women in your life, as well as many of the men, have been sexually harassed or assaulted. Now it’s on you — and on each of us — to do something about it.
Together, we can stop sexual harassment and assault. Remember, your voice, your actions, and your choices matter.
