Let's face it; after turning 50 when the "Over the Hill," birthday cards, banners, party favors and jeers ramp up, the onslaught of terms used to describe the universal process of getting older, well, really suck.
Do we all really peak around age 25? Words used to describe any age past 30 are nearly always less than flattering, encouraging or inspiring. Check out a few plum examples below and notice your reaction when reading them out loud.
Senior Citizen- Yuck! Who likes being called a senior? Only those who are in the last year of high school in the USA, or those in upper management positions use it with pride. Sadly, the implications of being a senior are associated with little old ladies bent over with a cane or pushing a walker.
Elder- Not me! Many of us wince at the thought. While many tribal nations still retain the true meaning of the word elder, modern society has lost any of the original reverence and respect.
Mature- Forget it! Who wants to be "mature" anymore? Only 18-25 year olds want to be mature to impress a date or a potential boss.
Here are a few more gems. Remember to read them out loud, and see if any even remotely sound appealing or accurate:
Crone
Hag
Old Goat
Geezer
Over the Hill
Golden Ager
Old Timer
Bitty
Spinster
Old Fart
Blue Hair
Old Bag
Has Been
No wonder so many women after "a certain age" feel pressure to run for Botox, expensive hair coloring and personal trainers. Aging must be avoided at all costs! The unappealing minefield of aging adjectives implies a lack of vigor, vitality or fun - and there is nothing compelling or aspirational about it.
"If it is no longer ok to be sexist or racist, how come it is ok to be ageist?" asks Ashton Applewhite, author of the new book, This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism.
Applewhite and I chatted over Skype, and she explained the term ageism, AKA any form of discrimination towards aging, was coined by Pulitzer Prize-winning geriatrician Robert Butler in the 1960s at the same time as racism and feminism. Sadly, the term never caught on. She'd like to change that.
"People are hungry for a narrative that rings true to our experience of growing older," said Applewhite. "While much of society now considers it unacceptable to be openly sexist, racist or homophobic, old people are still fair game."
Scores of older adult women report feeling happier, sexier and more in-tune with themselves than ever before. Would anyone in their right mind describe Helen Mirren (age 71), Jane Fonda (age 77) or Gloria Steinem (age 81) as anything other than "hotter-than-ever?" What words come to mind when imagining these pioneers? Those are the words we need to foster. Dame Judi Dench got a tattoo on her wrist for her 81st birthday proclaiming, "Carpe Diem."
As a recent guest on the Stephen Colbert cable show, Jane Fonda recalled writing a book about aging in her 40's. When asked if she wanted to go back to that age, she said, "Honey, I wouldn't go back 10 years. I was so old in my 20's. I was ancient in my 30's. I'm so much younger now. When people say, 'When were you your happiest?' I'd have to say now."
Gloria Steinem has also been frequently speaking about loving her age. Last year she was interviewed on Oprah, who introduced her as 81; and she gleefully exclaimed, "I'm so glad you said that I am 81. I keep telling people on the street how old I am, because I am still trying to convince myself!"
Oprah commented turning 60 was hard for her, and Steinem replied, "For me, turning 50 was hard, as it was the end of the central years of life. Turning 60 was great - because it was beyond the feminine prison - you could be your own self. Seventy was like that too, but 80 is about mortality. I plan to live to at least 100, and that gives me 19 more years. There's so much I want to do, and I love it here."
The next time you catch yourself using some sort of ageist adjective on yourself or others, try to catch yourself. Ask yourself where that came from, and what purpose it serves. Ageism is the final frontier of discrimination and limiting paradigms. A little girl born after 2007 will have an average life expectancy of 104. Old biddy? Try badass.
Earlier on Huff/Post50: