Think you're a real Casanova between the sheets? Prove it. By yourself. On stage. In front of your peers.
The Air Sex World Championships are back, baby, and the competition is stiff.
Picture your drunk buddy taking the stage to rock out on her cringe-worthy air guitar rendition of "Welcome To The Jungle" -- except instead of jamming on invisible strings, she shows the world what reverse cowgirl, an imaginary partner and Guns N' Roses truly have in common.
That's the gist of the sport, which is so naughty it was featured on America's Got Talent in June, and even sex-crazed Howard Stern couldn't handle its raw power.
The Huffington Post went to Drom in New York City on Thursday to expose the sexy -- and often comedic -- event.
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There are only two rules on stage at the Air Sex World Championships: all climaxes must be simulated, and there must always be another (imaginary) person on stage during your routine. Aside from that, all contestents need is a moniker and a song. Three judges critique the show based on foreplay, intercourse and sexual energy.
Thursday night's show featuring air sex legends with stage names like "Jam Out With Your Clam Out," "Magic Michelle" and "Tootenanny" promised plenty of titillation.
"Air sex will be an Olympic sport one day," the show's founder and MC, Chris Trew, told The Huffington Post. "We're giving these people a platform to [expletive] to glory. They're getting a stab at stardom."
It certainly seemed that way. A packed bar cheered on the solo love makers as they motorboated, thrust and smacked their way to the top. Tootenanny, sporting a tank top and tighty-greenies, was a clear favorite with the audience. He simulated drinking a six pack, having an argument with his significant other and awkwardly tensing up his body in true redneck fashion.
Tootenanny, real name Adam Wilson, wasn't even on the ticket to perform. But he signed up at the last minute, came around from behind and pulled out a win.
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"[My choreography] was the first thing that came to mind," the 32-year-old from Louisiana said. "Somehow parental abuse, incest and beer worked for me."
Judges -- including comedian and New Orleans native Sophie Johnson -- kept the excitement throbbing with criticisms like, "I've always wanted to [expletive] a guy wearing a fanny pack, so you did well."
"Judging is fun for me because, my entire life, I was the daughter of a pair of perverted adults -- it's all funny to me," Johnson said.
She couldn't help but notice New Yorkers' prowess with their imaginary bump and grind.
"People in New York are very fast at everything -- they walk fast, talk fast, and they're always trying to get to the next rung," she said. "But they surprisingly don't [expletive} very fast, do they?"
Wilson, the newest New York champ, will have his chance at international fame when he goes to the regionals in Austin, Texas later this year.
So get out there. Show the world what you've been telling your friends you could do for far too long.