You Just KNEW There Would Be 'Tornado Truthers,' Didn't You?

Lest you think that the Boston Marathon bombing had brought America to peak Trutherism, rest assured, we are nowhere near that point yet. Because, naturally, the Alex Jones conspiracy set is pretty sure that the tornadoes that hit Moore, Okla. were probably maybe some sort of "false flag" event, brought on by the "weather weapons" that of course the federal government has at its disposal, for the purpose of ... incurring massively expensive disasters on ourselves? This probably makes sense to somebody.

Conspiracy talk show host Alex Jones, increasingly a favorite of conservative media for his extremely vocal support of gun rights, outed himself Tuesday as a tornado truther by telling a caller on his show, “Of course there’s weather weapons stuff going on.”

Jones, a longtime proponent of the idea that the U.S. government can manipulate and even produce weather systems like tornadoes and hurricanes, went on to say that if people saw helicopters or small aircraft in the area, then “you better bet your bottom dollar they did this.”

“But, who knows if they did?” he asked. “You know, that’s the thing. We don’t know.”

As Max Rivlin-Nadler points out, conspiracy theorists who believe in "weather weapons" primarily focus their paranoid worries on HAARP -- the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, not the Muse album of the same name (though Muse frontman Matt Bellamy has similar fixations). The program is "a scientific endeavor aimed at studying the properties and behavior of the ionosphere, with particular emphasis on being able to understand and use it to enhance communications and surveillance systems for both civilian and defense purposes."

As HAARP draws funding from the U.S. Air Force and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (the folks what brought you the Internet!), it seems only logical to conclude that HAARP is actually being used to manipulate the weather and cause hurricanes -- if by "logical to conclude" you mean, "left alone in a room filling with some sort of gas that makes your brain feel all wibbly-wobbly."

Normally, you'd see people sort of decrying the toxic influence of Jones and his ilk, but in a counterintuitive way, I like to see Jones' continued existence as evidence of the fact that a certain baseline of charity and prosperity still exists in America, that accommodates the notion that one can be a crazy conspiracy nutter as your job, in the same way a few people can make their living as "ghost hunters." Had Jones been an original Jamestown colonist, his colleagues would have probably greeted his ravings with a genial, "Shut up and farm something, nutsauce, we are dying."

For a little while, anyway. Then the Jamestown colonists would have just murdered him and, as we now know, eaten him. Because he knows the secrets! (The secret being that he is delicious.)

"Yay, America," is what I think I'm saying, okay?

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